A Lecture on Plane Crashes

I’d like to speak with you for a moment about cannibalism. Now when you’re on a plane, and you start sizing everybody up, what does everyone always say? If we go down, we’re going to eat the fat guy first. Sounds like a plan, right? Wrong. Now don’t get me wrong, everyone likes bacon, but have you seen how big a piece of bacon is before you cook it? And have you seen how small that piece is after wards? Exactly, most of that fat, though flavorful, will melt away. No, what you want to do is eat the muscular guy first. Now he’s going to be hard to take down, so you’ll have to convince some of the other passengers to help you. Just tell them what I’ve told you so far and I’m sure they will agree. Now arm yourself with bits of wreckage, sneak up on Mr. Muscles, and proceed to beat him senseless. Now he can take a hit, so it will take some time to bring him down, but what are you doing in the mean time? That’s right, tenderizing. You see, a lifetime of exercise has made his muscle lean and tough. A solid hour or so of tenderizing should make him just about right. Plus you’re working up a nice appetite. The rest is pretty much self explanatory. Slow cook in a closed fuselage for 20 to 30 minutes. Serve with peanuts. Feeds twelve.