Things you miss about your freshman year of college

Cleaning Staff:Living in a dorm did have some perks. Waking up on a Saturday afternoon and walking to the communal bathroom you would often remember being at a Frat party the previous night… well parts of it. If you are a boy, you were probably trying to impress the brothers who would want you to pledge their ?sweet-ass’ frat, or if you were a girl you probably spent thenight dodging roofied drinks, unless you’re ugly. But regardless, you would get wasted, come back, and definitely puked your guts out in the bathroom, missing the toilet several times before making it into your room safe from your RA. But as you would walk into the bathroom, it would magically smell of bleach and your puke would be nowhere to be found! Being an upperclassman and living in your own apartment/house, etc. means that when you puke somewhere, it will stay there until you clean it up. No more magic.

Frat Parties: In the beginning of an academic year, the Frats are excited to show off for freshman boys who may potentially want to rush their frat, and they’re excited to bang some freshmen girls who don’t know any better. These specific ?show-off’ parties happen only for a short period of time during the school year and then disappear like your virginity. These parties are the best because of the free booze, the amount of people crammed into one house, and the realization that the next four years will be the peak of your life. Then fast forward a few weeks, the frats have decided who they want to pledge so if you’re not one you’re not invited. If you’re a girl, you’re still invited, but you’ve probably hooked-up with a guy in each frat, so you’ll be avoiding them, or if you join a sorority you probably only party with one other frat anyway. As an upperclassman you fall into a niche and can no longer waltz into a random party depending on your affiliation or lack thereof. If you decided (and god forbid!) to become a GDI (god-damn independentfor you non-Greeks) you’re not invited anywhere but the uptown coffee shop orthe student union on the weekends. Sorry.

Your Roommate: Whether you became friends or hated them more than you have ever hated a human being before, you miss them. If you were friends, it was fun living with someone as a chill as yourself and if you hated them, then you spent a lot of time making friends and building your self-esteem by talking behind their back. Nothing helps a friendship blossom like two people trashing their roommates.

You had a GPA: After Freshman year it’s all downhill. It takes most freshman a while to realize that class is not necessary and you can party 7 days a week should you plan to do so. This likely means that your GPA was highest your first year and has since, because of the aforementioned, become a very, very small number.

Your Parents Actually Missed You: You remember the day they dropped you off at college. Your mom was sobbing into a tissue about her baby being so grown up, and your dad laid his hand on your shoulder and told you not to fuck up. Being a big, bad 18 year old you acted like you couldn’t wait to see them go and then you were thoroughly annoyed with them during the rest of the year. You then spend a summer getting nagged by them and still trying to practice the ways you have created for yourself since entering college. After that summer everything changes. As you enter your years as an upperclassman they stop calling, stop depositing money in to your bank account when you run into a jam or just ask really, really nicely, and they stop askingyou the next time you’re coming home because, frankly, they don’t care. Youhave gained weight and an alcohol problem, and it is likely to take you more than 4 years to graduate college (that is if you graduate) and your parents begin to wonder whether you’re still worth the money.