I zone out a lot, but I am generally pretty astute when it's time to pick up bad vibes from the dating scene.
I took "He's Just Not That Into You" to heart (or maybe just thetitle, since the movie, while entertaining, was one giganticcontradiction wrapped up in a movie). But as the movie portrayed,sometimes obvious signs are overlooked.
He decided to take a nap instead of meeting me for happy hour drinks. Ehh, maybe he's just tired.
He didn't text me back for 2 hours while I was waiting to meet up because "his mom was talking his ear off." Maybe he's a nice little momma's boy. I can deal.
But recently, my final, last straw was video games.
I watched a lot of Halo in my undergrad days. A lot. And fromtime to time, I would even guide a little avatar of my own into acorner and have it stareĀ at the sky. It's kinda a sore subject, so whenI was told that this was what outmatched my straightened hair and cuteoutfit, I got a little upset.
As my roommate drove me to Checkers after the defeated bar outing, Ideclared, as somewhat inebriated girls sometimes do, "I am not talkingto Insert name anymore! Who passes up staying out for more drinks to goplay video games?!"
The next morning, as I checked my Facebook notifications for anythat my email might have forgotten to tell me about, the defriend movefluttered through my mind. Because in 2009, there are onlineramifications for real-life breakups, or "breakups."
"No." I thought. "Too harsh."
I mean, his actions were lame, but I didn't despise him.
You have to either be someone I actually do not know or be anobnoxious, close-minded status updater during election time for me todefriend.
I've actually never defriended a past dating interest, or even an ex.
And so despite the demise or our real-life communication, our socialnetworking tie remained. Until one Sunday morning, when ironicallyenough, I was doing a little social networking friend cleaning myself.As I scanned through my friends, deleting fray such as:
a) Girls my brother dated and introduced to my family in college
b) Boys met during Spring Break '06 in Cancun
c) Non-English speaking Korean girls who were on my European bus tour
d) People I only knew because they briefly dated my college roommates (I like to call these folks, "deep stalkers")
I noticed that there was one less person on my "E" names page.
"I GOT DEFRIENDED!!" I shouted to my roommate.
After a couple minutes of non-stop laughter at this passive aggressive social networking dis, it all made sense.
If you want to "win," you don't defriend.
Defriending a dating interest (or someone you've actually dated) is the equivalent of handing over the "Checkmate!"
Because although Facebook does not send a notification to the personyou have chosen to boot from your social networking cess pool, this isthe message that radiates when your actions are realized:
a) I cannot handle that your status updates do not reflect pure misery due to the termination of chances for you to date me
b) I cannot handle looking at your supa hot pictures
c) I do not want Facebook to inform me when you find a better person to date, marry, or post pictures with
So please, if you are thinking about defriending, take a breath. Think it through.
Are you ready to throw the person currently in your social networking friend pergatory into the W column?
Are you ready to give up the victory that easily?
If so, defriend away. But just know, this move will probably be laughed at for days, weeks, months to come.
"[Insert name] DEFRIENDED ME!! AH hahahahahha. I'm so awesome!"
That's what it will (does) sound like.
The Time I Wrote 1,000 Words About Speed Dating
Best Idea Ever: The Weekend Bathroom Pass
How to Prepare for the Best Cruise of Your Life: Publicize the Sh*t Out of Your Fantastic Life Decision
Fucking Relax, Weather Dot Com
12 Man of Steel Pickup Lines
Dadloids: The Tabloids for Dads
Sexiest Summer Fashion for Women and Least Sexy Fashion for Men
Almost Reading
The Troll
Humor Us
TLDNR
Regret Everything
The Graphic Truth
CollegeHumor Interview
Twidiots