Evolution vs. Creationism Simplified

EVOLUTION, as understood by a Creationist:

A few hundred years ago, deep in the jungle, a girl monkey goes into labor.

Monkey Boyfriend: You can do it, sweetie.

With a loud monkey noise, she gives birth.

Monkey Doctor: It’s a new species!

Monkey Boyfriend: We’ll call it humans. 

An elderly fish enters, pats the chimpanzee on the back.

Fish: I’m proud of you, son.

Monkey Boyfriend: Thanks, dad.

(SIDE NOTE: The monkeys are not married.)

Years later, the human boy is cornered by some predators.

Human boy: Crap. Better evolution-ize.

The boy evolves some laser eyes, or possibly wings. He easily defeats all the predators. 
 

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CREATIONISM, as understood by an evolutionist:

A kindly, bearded white man in a pointy hat and starry robe appears.

God: Sup.

He pulls out a small, oak wand and waves it around.

God: Expecto existentia!

America is created, as well as some other stuff.

Adam: Wait, what about these?

Adam holds up some large bones.

God: Oh, those? Millions of years ago, a massive race of dragon-like animals roamed the Earth. Then they all died in a mass extinction. Same thing could happen to you, actually.

Adam: Really?

God: Naw, I just put those there as a goof. Now go start writing the Bible. It’s already 4,000 B.C., there’s no time to waste.

Adam: What does the “B.C.” stand for?

God: Ah, you’ll figure it out.