A Conversation With My Left Hand After Breaking My Right

Me: So, how have you been?

Lefty: You’re talking with me? You have talked with me since you realized in baseball you’d have to use me to catch balls.

Me: I know, I’ve sort of neglected you a bit in my life. But Righty got in an accident, so you and I will get to bond over the next couple of months.

Lefty: Oh sure, now that you’re forced to use me, you want to bond.

Me: Look I’m sorry. Here’s a pen, let’s see what you can do!

Lefty: I can write just fine, I’ve seen Righty doing it all the time.

…

Me: What the fuck are you doing? Why are these letters backwards?  I can’t read that at all!

Lefty: Look man, I’ve never written before! Give me some time!

Me: We’ll take a break on writing, just open my beer for now.

Lefty: I can’t, I think the tab is stuck or something.

Me: Just left it up!  The tabs don’t get stuck!

Lefty: I think I got it, almost… YES! I DID IT! I OPENED THE SHIT OUT OF THAT CAN!

Me: Not that exciting, but at least you did it.

Lefty: I’ll be getting there man, don’t worry.  And I won’t go pulling stupid shit like Righty did and get broken.

Me: Righty was trying to break my fall!  He was there for me to make sure the rest of me didn’t get injured!

Lefty: And look where he’s at now!

Me: He saved me, and what did you do?  Nothing.

Lefty: It was a stupid decision by him.  I could see the danger, so I stayed away.

Me: No, you just didn’t do anything.  You sat there.  I wish it was you who was broken and not Righty.

Lefty: You don’t mean that.

Me: I do. Look, just help me drink my beer while I figure out what I’m going to do now over summer.

Lefty: Alright.

…

Lefty: So, does this mean I get to finally go in your girlfriend’s pants?