Boston
(617) dude, all these ppl at the harbor are dressed like indians wtf. come get me.

Lexington
(781) the british r coming. no homo lol.

D.C.
(202) I shot burr, that a-hole deserved it.

Texas
(956) I was at the Alamo all nite, blacked out, don't remember a thing.

D.C.
(202) I totally just freed the slaves, Davis is gonna be so pissed. LOL.

Berlin
(+49 030) Somehow wound up in Poland. crazy night.

New Mexico
(505) I m become deth.

Alabama
(334) Drunkk as fukk on front seat of bus. No ideaa where i am
(1-334) Don't move. I'm coming to get you.

Havana
(+53) Dude the soviets just hooked us up fat wit som nukes
(202) This is the usa
(+53) fuck

D.C.
(202) oh man, just boned this fatty. don't tell hillary.

Composed with the help of Kevin Slane and Lee.