Distinguished People Describing Really Sad Things To Do To Animals

Blessed are the people whose leaders can look a turtle in the eye without flinching while dousing it in lighter fluid and dropping it into a blender. – Henry Kissinger

You know my friends, there comes a time when people get tired of being trampled by the iron feet of oppression. This is the time when we all come together with jalapeno poppers and soda pop, and watch a dolphin fry in a tanning bed. – Martin Luther King Jr.

The long hours spent with animals in the forest have enriched my life beyond measure. Especially when I fit a baby giraffe with a pair of roller skates and stick it on a treadmill. – Jane Goodall

I did not get on the bus to get arrested. I got on that bus to go string an octopus to a tetherball pole and watch the kids go nuts. – Rosa Parks

I believe that in the 20th century, humanity has learned from many, many experiences. Like cutting open a football and filling it with broken glass, newspaper, and a hamster, and then playing catch for a while. This teaches us grace. – The Dalai Lama

A man does what he must – even if it means forcing a lemur to stare at a solar eclipse – and that is the basis of all human morality. – John F. Kennedy

No one is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of night. Except maybe the squirrel who’s been strapped to a boomerang and dipped in a highly corrosive substance. It’s a close call. – Elie Wiesel

If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician, or maybe I’d pursue my dream of building the world’s first koala bomb. – Albert Einstein

Every Hindu boy and girl should possess sound Samskrit learning. And a car battery to electrocute elephants after school. – Mohandas Gandhi

Man, was Sasha ever pissed at her birthday party when she discovered the piñata was just a cocker spaniel covered in papier-mâché. – Barack Obama