Fun out of the sun.
Having fans keeps you cool.
I can’t stop checking my symptoms on WebMD. I really need to stop obsessing over whether or not I have OCD.
Signs technological acronyms have gone too far
JCVD HDDVDTwitter from an uptight woman
In the women’s studies section of the library. The first person to touch me gets a sexual harassment lawsuit.Snakes that eat other snakes look the same during digestion.
My dad used to always tell me, “When life gives you lemons, drink a Mike’s Hard Lemonade.” My dad was a gay alcoholic.
Guy that doesn’t understand puns
I’m on a seafood diet… when I see food, I eat it! But only if it’s fish.Hamlet The Namedropper
“Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio.”-“I wonder if Helen Keller ever heard anyone make fun of her”
-“Of course not, you idiot. She’s dead.”
-“Of course not, you idiot. She’s dead.”
If you ever get into it with a necrophillac bear, don’t play dead.
Life must suck for people legitimately trying to sell tickets to gun shows.
I watch porn on my iPod that way my dick looks as big as a pornstar’s.
Literal Shakespeare
All the world’s a stage. Especially the stages.I want a tattoo of a sandwich. But it’s hard enough deciding what I want at a deli, let alone what kind I want for the rest of my life.
My grandparents were married for 68 years. When my grandmother passed away, my grandfather died the very next day. The doctor said he died of a broken heart. And sternum. When the truck hit him, his neck snapped backwards and it pretty much crushed his spine. His head was unrecognizably maimed. It was actually quite horrible.
What’s so “new” about Neo-Nazis? In my opinion their most defining qualities have stayed the same.
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10 Roommate Red Flags
8 Things the Internet Ruined
How Creepy You Are, as Determined by Your Pets
The 8 Kinds of Christmas Cards
The 8 Relatives You'll Talk to at Thanksgiving
iPhone Airplane Modes for Other Vehicles
Spending your Valentine's Day on the internet? This will make everything better.
Thoughts on Valentine's Day from people who are paid to be cynical bastards.
The 3D makes this movie look real...ly sucky
Your pet says a lot about you. But then, you have a gossipy parrot.
Guys try to surf without water, and somehow succeed.
Ice T is good, but this time of year it's all about CoCo
Yeah! And why did Microsoft make Bing when they can just use Google?
Valentine's Day was simpler back then. And creepier.
Hey! Get your real world out of my internet!
These guys are getting called out by the reeferee.
