Organizer: Settle down people, we're about to begin the ceremony for the 10,000th Visitor Awards.

Mustachioed Game Guy: But the winner isn't here yet!

Organizer: That's impossible. How's he going to claim his free iPod Nano?

Mustachioed Game Guy: He isn't. The guy's nuts. The other day I tried to give him a thousand bucks for winning the "Throw the Banana at the Monkey" game, and all he did was exit out of it.

Organizer: But…but…we put so much money into this! Guess Man's even got his "Celebrity Abs Guessing Game" booth set-up.

Guess Man: If he's not coming, I might as well just tell you guys. It was Eminem, not Abraham Lincoln.

The Protector: I doubt he even got the invite. I gave his computer a complimentary virus scan the other day while he was on some seedy website. Full of malware.

Credit Report: And let's not forget his dangerously low credit score!

Penis Enlarger: AND his dangerously small penis…

Dorky Girl From His High School: sigh I was going to tell him all about how I married the varsity quarterback.

Credit Report: He would have never believed the number of kids you have…

Hottest Girl Ever: bursts into tears Now I'm gonna have to message some other guy from my county who surfs RedTube. I'm so horny!

Organizer: Guys! GUYS! Calm down. He confirmed the invitation, he'll be here. Hell, he even told us where to hold the event!

Mustachioed Game Guy: Wait, he told you where to set-up? That's a little strange. Eyes widen Unless….

The Protector: IT'S A TRAP!

Ad-Blocker kicks open the door and opens fire with an assault rifle. One by one he picks off the pop-ups. The only one left is a wounded Penis Enlarger.

Penis Enlarger: You can kill me, but you can't stop natural male enhancement!

Ad-Blocker: Is it really natural if you need a pill?

Penis Enlarger's head explodes.