Roommate Confessions: Issue 81

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

You know all the food of mine you ate? The shampoo/conditioner/soap/toothpaste you used? And the blades I had to replace on my razor after you shaved your face with them? Yeah, I sold your books back right before finals so you couldnt study, and got my money back for the stuff you used.

Kate Johnston

I needed a place and could only afford to move in with my friend and his mega annoying girlfriend. I don’t have a car so she started parking in my spot. When paying the landlord one month I found out she wasn’t on the lease and shouldn’t be living there. He just left for Europe for 3 weeks. I got her car towed and kicked her out. She wasn’t allowed inside to get her stuff, but I had to put it outside for her. I kept the things I wasn’t sure were hers. I had a plethora of presents for my girlfriends birthday.
Dan, CU Denver

Hey, remember those 2 weeks you had no hot water but couldn’t figure out why? It might have had something to do with me turning off the pipes to the upstairs. Remember those random power flickers you are constantly complaining about? And how they only ever seem to affect your bedroom? It might be because the breaker box is in the kitchen and easily accessed. Remember how your bike magically got locked outside on the deck for a week? And how your key just wouldn’t work at all? Well I might have gone out and got a bike lock that was identical to yours. Next time you call maintenance and they laugh at you just think about all the stupid things you’ve called them for that you could have fixed if you had the smallest sliver of common sense. Maybe next time you’ll think a little before watching Hannah Montana, Nickelodeon, and whatever else it is you watch at full volume constantly. Or before whining to mommy because I have a couple bottles of beer in the fridge. You’re 21 now, it’s time to be a big boy. Grow up!
E H, FSU

Hey man, I know you’ve got a bit of a smoking problem and I’m okay with that, it’s your body. But when you smoked inside our room that was not okay. Inhaling 3 packs of second hand cigarette smoke a day kind of sucks when you have asthma. So, you know how you took the batteries out of the smoke detector so it wouldn’t go off, and then one day it mysteriously turned back on and set off the sprinkler system? Wasn’t it weird how all my things were miraculously undamaged but you room was drenched and your laptop was fried? That’s because I put new batteries in, not the RA. By the way that care package from your mom, it was delicious, but I guess you wouldn’t know that.
Fred G, Penn State

Hey 10th floor guys. Remember how the entire floor reeked like rotting milk for the entire second half of the year? Well that’s because we found a half gallon of milk that had gone bad at the end of fall quarter and instead of throwing it out we decided to hide it in the janitors closet in the middle of your hall. Too bad the cleaning lady was too short to ever find it and instead had the university snake all your pipes and then remove every drinking fountain in your entire building looking for the smell. Meanwhile the stink got worse and worse as the milk sat cooking on the top shelf. I bet it stunk having to live with that stench and on top of that with no drinking water. Oops. My bad.
Joe B, OSU

Submit yours here!