TV Nutshell: The Closer

What their site says:

“She is a top-notch investigator with unparalleled interrogation skills and a track record for closing nearly every case with a suspect’s confession“ 

What the show really is:

Ok, let’s see:  another legal drama, pretty standard right?  A woman doing a man’s job, and kicking ass at it, blah blah, right?  She must be pretty great at what she does to be called “The Closer”.   Sounds acceptable.   

But wait…
hang on a second…
What th—-
Did they say:  “… and a record for closing nearly every case…”?

“NEARLY” every case?   Not every case?  Not every single fucking case?  

THE “Closer” doesn’t close all her cases, just most of them?  So she’s really just THE “Run-of-the-Mill Lady Cop”.  

I call bullshit.

I normally let TNT get away with whatever crap they feel like vomitting over the air waves, since they are one of the few networks willing the entertain me in the early afternoon and during the summer, but this is unacceptable.

There are rules in the cop-show world: 

1.) If you’re ugly, old, haggered, violent, drunk or insane - you better be damn good at your job and always get your man.

2.) If you’re not a kick ass cop,  you better at least be really fucking hot. 

No one wants to watch an old hag do mediocre police work. 

Why You’ll Watch it:

Hopefully you won’t.   If you do, you’re probably home from work at 3pm, with a broken leg, just out of reach of the remote. 




What the show should have been:

Good. 
Interesting. 
Witty.  
Provacative.  
Intelligent. 
Well-acted. 

Or: