Roommate Confessions: Issue 82

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

When I was in the dorm, the only clock in the room was the microwave. As such, I’d always set the timer for 11 minutes, 55 seconds (11:55). My roommate would wake up, take one look at the microwave and think he was late. Worked every time.
Kyle H., SDSU

Cody, you kept hitting on my friend Katie and she liked you too. You were too drunk to remember her name so I told you it was Samantha. So now you know why she ignores you when we see her downtown every weekend and chase her screaming, “Samantha!”
Levi P., UGA

So, my roommate freshman year decided it would be a brilliant idea to crumble chocolate chip cookies all over my brand new laptop. The crumbs got into the keyboard and I had to have a lot of things replaced. She would stay up on the phone until 4am on a daily basis and never went to class. So, there were 2 times she left: to get food and to shower. So, one day when she left to get food, her girlfriend called and I answered the phone- I was the one who told the girlfriend that my roommate was leaving her for me aka “Julia” and to never call again b/c we were leaving for California in the morning. Then, I added vodka to every bottle of soda this chick owned. She came back, drank some soda. Finally about 30 min later she was super trashed, and was puking (in the bathroom). Then, she got up to go back to our room & accidentally tried to get into the RA’s room. Well, the RA knocked on our door & I went into the hall & told the RA how my roommate was super drunk. My roommate was 17 at the time, so she got taken to the hospital, along with a ton of fines. She ended up getting kicked out of the college. Last I heard she was pregnant & working at Wal-Mart. She deserved it for screwing with my laptop.
Astrid N., School Not Given

Hey Jerk, remember that time we were all partying at my house and you started getting sick and threw up all over my room? Well, so you know, that awful stench in your room that took you several days to find was my revenge. IT was me who threw up in a zip lock bag, froze it that night, then put it under your bed to melt. Enjoy last nights dinner and booze.
Andrew Cohen, Cal Poly State

Hey roomie, you know how you got drunk, had sex with our best guy friend and like to bitch about how your parents can’t send you abroad for the summer because it would put them into debt. To me, who is drowning under student loans and maintaining a scholarship. It’s okay, I forgive you. I just hope you can forgive me for using the vibrate mode on your cellphone to get myself off while having a “chat” with my boyfriend back home.
Samantha Loates, The University of North Dakota

Submit yours here!