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Mike Abeyta

The realities of life after college

by Mike Abeyta on

When I graduated 2 and a half years ago I was SO sick of homework, SO sick of tests, SO sick of college and SO ready for the real world. Or SO I thought. Little did I know that college was like a 4 year house party. I had a constant buzz, I met lots of people I will never remember, I shared way too much with way too many random people and beyond keeping a drink in my hand and taking my shoes off before I passed out I had no real responsibilities. Then I graduated and the next morning real life snuck up on me and kicked my ass. So in an effort  to take the surprise out of life after college, I present your with the following list:

1. Good luck finding a job!

2. If you are lucky enough to find a job you will be FNG (F**** New Guy) which comes with many benefits including but not limited to…

 Long hours
 Shitty schedule
 Minimum pay
 Virtually no time off
 Getting blamed for everythig

3. You will learn quickly that student loans suck. Bankruptcy might even start to sound like a good idea.

4. You will never see your college friends again.

5. You will either move home and live with your parents for a very long time or never move remotely close to home ever again.


6. The alcohol tolerence you spent 4-5 years building will disappear after 1 month of “responsible living”.

7. No one will respect your degree or the school you came from except dilusional Alumni like yourself.

8. You gained a lot of weight

9. Almost no one in the “real world” gets a summer, fall, winter  or spring break. Ever.

10. Beyond “where are you from”, “where do you live“ and “what’s your major” you have no other topics of conversation when talking to members of the opposite sex.

11. You will be competing for 1 job with 200 semi-qualified people who got a lucky break, 300 unqualified people who know a guy who works there, 1600 people just like you and 1 guy who secretly already got the job, but the company is required to advertise the position.

12. Everthing you learned about your field in college is outdated or only true “in theory”.

13. You will hate the job you spent 4 years becoming qualified to do as much as you hated your high school summer job at Wendy’s.

14. Real world experience is a better teacher and free.

15. You want to go back to college.

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Mike Abeyta

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