With the failing economy and the growing number of businesses declaring bankruptcy, companies have found that staying afloat takes a "boatload" of creativity. The once growing popularity of Nantucket Nectars' famous, Snapple-esque bottle cap facts were definitely what kept this product on the market. But now, due to plumetting sales and lost of interest, the Nantucket Nectars' "Juice Guys" will do anything to make their bottle cap facts…um…as customer-friendly as possible.

In 1673 the people of Nantucket started hunting whales. But don't worry, don't worry, we don't do that anymore!!!!!!!!!

Nantucket means "far away land" in the Native American Wampanoag dialect. Whom we didn't murder, btdubbs. They murdered themselves, really.

Tom&Tom, the "Juice Guys," have never actually even been to Nantucket. We Google this shit. Whoopsies!

A bomb shelter was built on Nantucket for JFK in 1961, disguised by the US Navy as a "Jet assist takeoff fuel bottle storage area," but was never used. But we're sure he would have invited everyone else, too!

Tom really thinks that Tom shouldn't have told everyone we aren't from Nantucket.

Benjamin Franklin's mother was born on Nantucket in 1667. Sure, he had a bastard child with a prostitute, but he invented LIBRARIES!

Tom is stupi (strike through) Tom thinks Tom should chill the fuck out and get on with the facts.

Over 10,000 people in Nantucket, and only like 200 registered sex offenders! That's nowhere NEAR half!

Right Tom, like how you "got on" my wife at the company Christmas party.

The female-to-male ratio in Nantucket is about 50/50. So ladies, you do the math for the chance you could be dating a child molester! (Once again, those numbers are SMALL!)

Tom thinks that Tom needs to get over it because that was five years ago.

The Nantucket Film Festival is held on the island annually. I mean, not the biggest movie-maker hotspot, but the town is ADORABLE.

Tom, I will fucking rip your head off.

Nantucketers discovered and named more than twenty islands in the South Pacific, many of them with Nantucket surnames. But not because they were selfish, all the other names were taken! Seriously, they'll share the islands with you!

One of our very own Tom's from Tom&Tom AKA "The Juice Guys" was the first ever "Tom" to be murdered in Nantucket!!!!!!!

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