Things I Might Do After College

1) Your Wife. Well, Mr. Robinson, it’s funny you should ask. Just the other day I
was contemplating my plans for after commencement and I decided that I
would have an affair with your emotionally and sexually unsatisfied
wife. Then, after that sours, I thought I would pursue a relationship
with your daughter Elaine who attends UC Berkeley, and ultimately
marry her without your consent. All of this will be set to an
exquisite soundtrack played by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkle.

2) Poet Laureate. Oh. I’m so glad you asked. I actually was thinking about becoming a poet. That way once my shift is up at Starbucks, I can just throw my
apron on the couch and start writing with a free biscotti and Grande
Chai Latte in my hand.

3) Since I’m from New Jersey, I decided I might go into Waste Management. You know, you have a really nice store here. It would be a shame if somebody just burned it down one night. I heard someone wanted to do that. I mean, not me. But this guy I know. But I think I can stop him. Just give me $10,000 this month and I’ll give it to him to make sure he doesn’t do it.  Really, they’re animals out there.