If Simon Cowell Were To Critique Historic Musicians

American Idol judge, Simon Cowell, was recently quoted as saying he never liked Bob Dylan. “He bores me to tears,” the British critic said in an interview with Playboy magazine. Cowell was then asked about his various opinions on other musicians and he was not shy in sharing his views…

Elvis Presley:
You think getting up and girating around on stage is the way to be a pop idol? You will never make it in the industry. I hope your future children are horrifically paralyzed.







John Lennon:
I find it very difficult to imagine how you could be #3 on the Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Songs of All-Time list. Absolutely awful.










Jimi Hendrix:
Complete shite. You are a very average guitar player and I have no clue as to what you are wearing, what with all of the tassels and the headband and whatnot. Black people won’t sell records anyway.








Bruce Springsteen:
You call yourself The Boss? If these ignorant American voters have any common sense, you won’t be the boss of this competition. Your singing is just horrid. Next performer, please.








Aretha Franklin:
Terrifically hideous. You just invented a new form of torture for my ears. Good luck getting any respect with a body like that, you fat slob.







Stevie Wonder:
YOU ARE BLIND.











Eric Clapton:
Never play music again. Your performance gave such displeasure to my ears that I hope something equally horrendous happens to your offspring. Do you have a son? I hope he falls off of a 53rd floor balcony when he is four years old.

Kurt Cobain:
Well. After that performance, it smells like something in here but it most certainly is not teen spirit. More like an infected wound that I just peed in.








Justin Timberlake:
That was wonderful stage presence and a terrific voice. Out of all the singers, I think you could potentially be the best male vocalist I’ve ever seen.








Johnny Cash:
You are a complete and utter cunt.