God Blog II

Ughhhhh, have you ever woken up late and been like “Sh*t, I was supposed to answer prayers this morning!” but then you can’t get out of your cloud bed? happened to me today…AGAIN! It’s not that I’m lazy, I just can’t get up when my alarm goes off! I know I should get up but I just snooze and snooze and snooze. When I’m in bed, I’ll come up with these crazy justifications that make sense at the time. “Oh I’m eternal; I can just answer prayers later.” Then later when I don’t even get to get to the prayers of innocent children, I feel like I’m failing at being a deity. Of course, I’m the ONLY deity, so it’s not like I have to compare myself to anyone else. I guess I just set the bar high for myself and then feel like an ass if I don’t live up to my own expectations. Wow, I’m rambling, sorry. LOL! (Loving Our Lord)

Answering prayers is my favorite part of the day. It’s what keeps me sane when I know that later I have to make the sun rise or write the next episode of 24 or whatever else I have to do that day. I hate making the sun rise. I’m so bad at it. Yesterday I did it way too late but I don’t think anyone noticed- except Gabriel of course. He texted me at 5 AM – “thank ‘You’ my phone has a back light, it’s so dark on Earth right now.” Such a douche. I should have said, “Hey Gabriel, how come it’s taking you so long to take care of destroying Darfur? Maybe I need a new angel of death…” but I didn’t. I really regret creating him sometimes. I can say stuff like that here, because Gabriel keeps making a point like every day to tell me he doesn’t read my blog.

Have you seen his blog? Fucking. Awful. Sooooo self-involved. Yeah Gabe, we all really give a shit about what you had for breakfast and how much you dislike South Park. Send me an ethereal scroll when you write about something I give a shit about!

Sorry, I keep getting sidetracked. The best part about answering prayers is the way I get to express myself but sometimes it’s difficult. The other day a beggar in China was begging me for food to feed his family. But the thing is he was Buddhist, which is wrong, so I can’t really help him- even though I wanted to. It was a tough situation. I’m omnipotent, but I don’t know everything. Well, I guess I do but you know what I mean.

Random thoughts

The new Clap Your Hands Say Yeah album is really good. It doesn’t pop out at me like the first one did, but I’m enjoying it. The new Fall Out Boy is alright too, but I’m kinda embarrassed to like it. Whatevs, sometimes I wish people would stop being like, ‘you’re gay if you listen to ____’ and just be like, ‘yeah, I admit it, My Chemical Romance is catchy.’

I’m pretty pumped Lost is coming back next week. The first part of season 3 was a little weak, but I bet they are finally going to resolve the smoke monster thing now. It’s so tempting to listen to the thoughts of the Lost writers but I don’t want to ruin it for myself, ya know?

Finally saw Talladega Nights. I know I’m behind on this one, but I was on vacation when it was in theaters and by the time I got back all the angels had seen it. Shake and bake! Shake and bake! I laughed so hard I set off a tsunami alarm in Japan. Don’t blame me, blame Ferrell – that man can do no wrong! Really, he’s infallible, I created him that way. (except for ‘Kicking and Screaming’)

I don’t really like it when people call me ‘Allah.’ Yeah, it means the same thing but it kind of sounds like a girl’s name, right? Also, ‘Jehovah’ makes me sound like an old man! Just call me God, Me-Dammit!

Everyone keeps saying anyone that cares about the future of the planet should see An Inconvenient Truth, but I don’t know why. All the humans will die 2054 anyway. J/K.

Peace in the Middle East? Nope!