When did thin become the new requirement for a good cell phone?

 

It seems that any Cellular advertisement I see on TV is promoting the newest thinnest cell phone, and they always give them all these clever names.  What I don’t understand though, the names of these phones, however clever and modern, seem to refer not only to its slender physic, but also to fear and pain, such as the Razor and the Sliver. 

Try the new Motorola Razor cell phone; it’s the thinnest, newest, sharpest cell phone on the market. Plus it’s a camera, and if you are right hand dominant, you will never have to shave the right side of your face again. Make sure to keep little bunched up patches of toilet paper nearby when you talk to your friends, because if you don’t have good technique it will slice a damn freckle right off.

Is the Razor not thin enough for you? Of course it isn’t, and Motorola knows that, so why don’t you try the new Sliver, it’s twice as thin and four times as sharp. In fact if you answer a phone call too quickly, you risk a 5 out of 2 chance of piercing the phone right through your fucking ear! So please, answer the call, because switching to the Sliver will get right under your skin…in a good way.

 

I think that we should continue the image of sharpness, and thinness in the world of cellular communication, but maybe we should make it more obvious. And since Motorola dominates the sleek cell phone I propose to them, a few more names they might consider.

            We at Motorola know that when it comes to wireless service, the most important aspect is the fitness of our phones. So we want to offer you our beloved consumer, the newest and sleekest phone yet, Motorola is proud to introduce the Bulimic Throwing Star. This is our first product that does not come equipped with a vibrate feature, this unique device rather has a whirling stick into wall option.

Bulimic Throwing Star not for you?  That’s ok, because Motorola has also just released their newest newest thinnest phone to the public market. Try calling your friends with the Sickly Exacto Knife. Calling will be an art, with this cutting edge tool of connectivity. 

 

Of course we all know that the Cell phones are thin for one reason, because they are trying to incorporate sex with phones. Because when you think of thin, a guy is going think of a hot girl, with ripped abs, and big tits. And obviously when a girl thinks of thin, she thinks of a hot girl, with ripped abs, and big tits….AWSOME. So why shouldn’t we exploit that issue in the market.

            Hey girls, you want guys to answer your calls, try calling him on the new Motorola Blowjob, it will only take a few minutes, and it’s a great alternative to communication. He can share his day with you, one mouthful at a time.

            Hey girls, you want guys to call you? Try the birthday present that will inspire hope and eagerness to keep in touch. Get your man the Motorola Blowjob, this time you will be the one that screens the call.