New Facebook Feature: Advanced Friend Suggestions

Tony Pierlioni

You and Tony both have developed increasingly frequent and increasingly impure thoughts about several relatives over the course of your last two family gatherings.

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Kinsey Durgin

You and Kinsey both list “The Broom Of The System”, Dig!, and Fleet Foxes as your favorite book/movie/band, when in reality they are “It’s Hard Out Here For A Shrimp”, The Postman, and S Club 7.

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Eric Lyman

You and Eric are both trying to come off your Vicodin addictions by snorting so much Extra Strength Midol your septums should co-sponsor a WNBA team.

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John Weir

You and John both contracted genital warts from a girl with a harelip during Spring Weekend.

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Geoff Billingham

You and Geoff both think the music video for Cameo’s “Word Up” is the kind of music video Jesus Christ would make if Jesus Christ made a music video.

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Jake Dent

You and Jake both have tri-daily and goat-centric masturbation schedules.

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Mason Ovian

You and Mason both think Facebook articles are automaticallystupid, even self-aware Facebook articles that contain references to David Foster Wallace and goat porn.

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Shawn Brisson

You and Shawn both got so ‘piss-your-pants’ drunk last night that you shit yourselves.

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