I live in New York City. Stuff pisses me off. With my intolerance for, well, pretty much everything on the streets these days, I decided to celebrate with a list of the New Yorkers that make me want to shove someone. Make sure to comment back with your own hated New Yorkers!

1) The Golf Umbrella Carrier

You will NOT melt in the rain. Promise. Do all of us a favor and ditch your parachute-sized umbrella for a standard-sized one, like most normal human beings carry on crowded sidewalks.

2) The Long-Leash-Loving Dog Owner

Your dog is cute but, for the love of god, keep it it on a short lease on narrow sidewalks. If I'm going to trip on a sidewalk, I'd prefer the cause to be something a little more exciting or scandalous than your chihuahua.

3) The Laundry-Abandoner

I am not fortunate enough to live in an apartment building with a laundry facility, so I must trek to the local laundromat once a week to launder my clothes. I take great pride in timing my wash and dry loads so that my clean and dry clothing won't result in a long line of people awaiting an available machine. I'm sure you don't want a stranger touching your clothes so just, like, be there and take responsibility and stuff.

4) The Carrie Bradshaw Wannabe

I have no problem with "Sex and the City" fans forking out $800 on fancy heels, if that's their thing, but if you are incapable of walking in them, please switch them out for flip-flops so MY commute isn't significantly slowed down by you stumbling ahead of me. Mmmkay, thanks.

5) The Backwards Walker

I think at one point or another, we've all been walked into by "that guy," that guy who HAS to tell an elaborate story to his friends — walking backwards, blissfully unaware of his path until he crushes your foot and clips your shoulder, hard. Funny, when I learned to walk as a baby, I'm pretty sure I was walking forward, in a straight line. Even when I was drunk.

6) The Loud Walker

I was considering dividing this into three categories, but I think they all fall under the loud umbrella: Clanky heels, a pocket full of change, and cell phone shouters. Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but I become really irritated when I can hear a stranger ten feet behind me. My solutions for you: sneakers, CoinStar, texting.

7) The Compulsive Reflection Checker

Have you ever found yourself strolling along when you realize the person walking ahead of you feels an urge to glance to his or her right EVERY SINGLE TIME he or she passes a window, a mirror, or even a semi-reflective marble building? Is it a wardrobe malfunction check? ensuring a pigeon hasn't chosen your head for a nesting spot? or just plain vanity?

8) The Litterer

I once saw a mother, accompanied by her four small children, toss her empty coffee cup onto the 2nd Avenue sidewalk. Really? Really? Last I noticed there was a garbage can on every single corner in New York City.

9) The Blaring Car Stereo Guy

For once, I would like to be privy to a GOOD song blaring from your 80-inch woofers. How come no one ever plays "Free Bird?"

10) The Unnecessary Honker

If only the police could ticket every driver who leans on their car horn when there is no danger or accident to be avoided. Seriously, you're only making the traffic (and mood) worse for everyone else. I want to invent a car horn that echoes twenty times as loud inside of the car so drivers understand how obnoxious it is. 

11) The Slow Supermarket Shopper

I tend to notice this trend in places like Amish Market and Garden of Eden. Sometimes, all I want to do is pick up some baby carrots and cheddar cheese and, instead, I have to navigate spaced-out shoppers clogging the narrow aisles. Here's a tip: Make a shopping list so you don't find yourself wandering around like a space cadet.

12) The Double-Wide Stroller Owner

I understand it might be difficult to find a good babysitter, but every once in a while I'd like to stop in Old Navy to buy socks without having to climb over your screaming children. Please leave them at home on your shopping trips.

13) The Slow Tourist

I'm all about tourism. Those tourists bring us a lot of money. That being said: I know you desperately need a shot of every landmark, homeless person, and McDonald's on every single block of New York City, but can we move it along just a bit faster? And without the "pretty lights" and "Oh my god! A 'Don't Walk' sign!!!" commentary. I hate you.