Sex on the Beach

GUY: You know, my parents aren’t home, we can just go back to my beach house.

GIRL: But it’s soooo romantic out here, isn’t it?! I’ve always dreamt of making love on the beach!

GUY: Oh, okay, but isn’t it kind of cold?

GIRL: That’s what body heat is for, baby. Come on, let’s take of your trunks.

GUY: Shouldn’t we put down a towel first?

GIRL: No, no, we don’t need a towel. Let’s be one with the sea! Take off your trunks.

GUY: But…sand…everywh— Why do you keep saying trunks?

GIRL: Shh…

GUY: Ouch! Shannon! That feels like your rubbing broken glass up and down my dick!

GIRL: Oh! Sorry! You were right. About the sand. It’s all over my hands.

GUY: I really think we should put down a towel or something.

GIRL: No, we’ll be okay! Here, why don’t you get on top?

GUY: Why don’t we just go up to my bed?

GIRL: Cause this is BEACH SEX! The best kind! Come on, it’s great. Ouch! Careful of my sunburn!

GUY: Shh, do you hear something? Shit, is someone coming?! Where’s my trunks- er my bathing suit?

Dog barks. Distant cry: “Rodney, come back here!” Man chases dog down beach

GIRL: Haha, that was a close one! You okay?

GUY: I just keep slipping, my toes are sinking deeper and deeper in the sand.

GIRL: I’ll get on top.

GUY: Oh God.

GIRL: Oh God! Oh Yes!

GUY: No- my ass! A shell just cut my ass. Why couldn’t we have just put down a towel?

GIRL: Are you okay?

Rodney returns, barking and growling. “Rodney! Get back here!” He runs away.

GUY: Let’s go inside, Shannon.

GIRL: No, come one, it’s so nice out here! Oops, what’s that? Oh, just a little sand flea. Mmm it tickles.

GUY: Babe, this really hurts me. It doesn’t bother you?

GIRL: Oh God yeah. My vagina is on fire. Your dick is like a rod covered in sand paper. I’ve just always wanted to do this.

GUY: Let’s go inside and clean off.

GIRL: Ohh!! We can have SHOWER SEX! I’ve always dreamt of shower sex! It’s the best kind!!