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3 Ninjas All Grown Up

by Kevin on July 7, 2009

The brothers, now in their thirties, meet inside of a hospital upon hearing of Grandpa Mori Tanaka’s death.

Rocky: I got here as fast as I could, what happened?

Tum-Tum: Well, this morning one of Grandpa’s neighbors reported seeing him climb the old oak tree in his ninja costume. They said he had been up there all day, until he heard a truck coming …

Colt: A truck full of ninjas?

Tum-Tum: No Colt, it was actually UPS. Let me continue. As the truck drove up the driveway, Grandpa began throwing ninja stars at the driver and …

Rocky: Are they sure it wasn’t a truck full of ninjas disguised as UPS?

Tum-Tum: Yes Rocky,they are sure it was UPS. Anyways, after he dropped a smoke bomb, he then proceeded to do a back flip from the tree onto the top of the UPS truck. At which point, doctors say he was dead on impact.

Colt: I don’t know if I buy that, something doesn’t add up. A good ninja never attacks civilians.

Tum-Tum: That’s what happened, the neighbors saw the whole thing.

Rocky: There must be something else to the story. What was this so-called “UPS” truck doing at the house anyways?

Tum-Tum: Grandpa had ordered $10,000 worth of ninja equipment. But, that’s besides the fact. I think you guys are missing the point here. Grandpa was very, very old. He was delirious and unstable. He shouldn’t have been climbing trees or even have had access to such dangerous equipment. He could have seriously injured that driver! I told you all to cut out this ninja shit but you didn’t listen.

Colt: How can you say that? Our ninja training has shaped our lives. We learned so many valuable lessons.

Tum-Tum: We were the laughing stock of high school. And because of Grandpa’s bullshit ninja honor code weren’t even allowed to fight those guys who made fun of us everyday.

Rocky: That’s because Grandpa said, “A ninja is honest and good. His mind, body and spirit are one. He has self-control. He has discipline.”

Colt: Have you forgotten what being a ninja is all about, Tum-Tum?

Tum-Tum: My name is Michael, damnit! I told you guys to stop calling me Tum Tum years ago. I have a wife and kids now. Not to mention, I have spent the past 5 years meeting with a therapist who has been trying to help me get over the fact that I spent a good part of my childhood being attacked by grown men dressed as ninjas.

Colt:We have all been through a lot. I stillhave nightmares about those men we killed in Japan that one summer. But we need to stick together more than ever.

Rocky: We need to defeat those bad ninjas who killed Grandpa.

Tum-Tum: We live in America. It is 2009. There are no such things as gangs of ninjas anymore!

A group of Muslim women enter the hospital wearing black veils.

Rocky: No such thing of ninjas, huh?

Colt: Oh shit.

Tum-Tum: Those aren’t …

Colt: We should run! We should hide!

Rocky: We should kick their butts!

Tum-Tum shakes his head.

Tum-Tum: … We should get a good lawyer.

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