Roommate Confessions: Issue 84

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

Hey brother, well since you made my life hell for 18 years I think it’s about time you found out the truth. Remember when we were kids and snot starting mysteriously appearing on our bathroom wall? And mom thought it was you and made you scrape them off and you would get grounded for weeks at a time? Yeah, too bad mom never found out it was your innocent little sister that kept putting them there. Hope you had a blast wiping my boogers off the wall every day. Oh, and I would throw my backwash in your drinks when you weren’t looking. Love you bro!
Liz Cantsay, UNT

My roommates and I once rented a condo for a summer for summer school rather than an apartment, so we had our backyard and everything. And it was quite cheap mind you. The problem was that the condo next door was used by a local frat and they were complete douche bags. I’m talking about loud parties on weeknights and during midterms (with no girls, which makes it okay to hate). One day, they figured out a way to get to the roof and they decided to have a barbecue full of beer and playing “Crank That”. And since we shared a roof, it was hell when started stomping on the roof. So as payback, my friends and I blocked the roof access with the lock they had taken off and left behind. So they were stranded on the roof two stores up with no way down and the summer heat beating them down on them. They were up there for 2 hours before one of them had to go to the bathroom and started pissing off the roof. One of them then tried to ninja his way down by shimming down a tree and broke his ankle. In the end, they had to call the landlord for help.
David X, University of California, Irvine

Remember when you asked me if I put water in your bottle of soap and I said no? That’s because I never put water in it, I peed in it. Maybe you should not go down on girls when I’m wide awake.
Ry.L., School Not Given

Hey, so remember when you took my glasses without asking then started wearing them around school and then you lost them?! Yeah, me too. And do you remember when you were completely drunk and started talking/dancing/flirting/kissing your frog pillow and pretended it was your ex? No? Well, I do. And remember when you found out someone put that shit on youtube and it had a shitload of views? Well, that was me.Lesley Hauler, School Not GivenTo my roommate’s girlfriend, Tori, remember how when you come over you eat all of my food because of how awesome it is, you know without asking? Well, I had been planning my revenge for a while and you gave me the opportunity last Wednesday night. Remember how you arrived before your boyfriend was home and I offered to make you a salad (because you totally needed it you fat piece of shit)? Well those raisins that were in the salad, those were actually pellets of rabbit shit. Quit eating my food piggy!
Mike Dreder, USCB

Submit yours here!