This will be on the test.
Urinals are just God’s way of telling us our khakis didn’t have enough pee on them.
I locked up my bicycle and someone stole my front tire and my seat. I’m on the lookout for anyone riding a unicycle.
I taught my dog to sit, lay down, roll over and bark — all at random times of his choosing.
The Hardest Question To Answer, For Two Reasons
Colorblind Toddler: Mommy, why is the sky green?Is it still called jock itch if it developed from the ball sweat during my 5-hour chess game?
I buy oregano from drug dealers in the hopes that they accidentally give me weed.
I like to hit on older women with lots of tattoos. If I can’t find any, I’ll just have a few drinks and settle for varicose veins.
I don’t want her back. I just want her front.
They say that there’s no use beating a dead horse. So, are they implying that it’s efficient to beat a horse as long as it’s alive?
Is it me, or do crickets have really shitty taste in comedy?
My friends are all retards. “Gullible” IS in the dictionary!
In my eyes, my girlfriend is a queen: old and controlling.
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Five NEXT-LEVEL Handshakes
Winter Pick-Up Lines
The Internet Justice League
The True Meaning of Christmas, According to Christmas Movies
Dating Dos and Don'ts
The 8 Kinds of Christmas Cards
Spending your Valentine's Day on the internet? This will make everything better.
Thoughts on Valentine's Day from people who are paid to be cynical bastards.
The 3D makes this movie look real...ly sucky
Your pet says a lot about you. But then, you have a gossipy parrot.
Guys try to surf without water, and somehow succeed.
Ice T is good, but this time of year it's all about CoCo
Yeah! And why did Microsoft make Bing when they can just use Google?
Valentine's Day was simpler back then. And creepier.
Hey! Get your real world out of my internet!
These guys are getting called out by the reeferee.
