Staff Picks

The Instigating Aunt Scenario

by kaity on January 30, 2007

I would like to introduce you to the ever so infuriating situation that I find myself in whenever my aunt comes to visit or calls my parents (who by nature are easily to persuade and are spineless at times).

Scenario I: CHOOSING A COLLEGE
Me: Mom, I think I have decided to go to University of Cincinnati, I think it is time I get away from home and UC has a good nursing program.

Mom: Okay, I know you have thought about it and UC seems like a good choice.

Aunt from Hell: WHAT, now Jill, listen to what you are saying, your only daughter wants to move to Cincinnati to go to college. That’s four years in the ghetto surrounded by pant-sagging thugs who wear fake gold chains and call themselves rappers.

Me: That is not true, plus I’m more focused on the acedemic part (giggles inside of head, plus my friend who goes there is completely a babe and will buy my all the alcohol and weed I want).

Aunt: Everyone knows who you meet in college is who you will marry, that’s why I am sending my kids to highly renowned private schools in rural Ohio.

Me: A.K.A., all-white catholic colleges where the only things to do are experiment with drugs and sexual positions.

Aunt: Fine, marry a gangsta brother or worse a white kid who thinks he is a gangsta, at least my daughter is marrying a doctor.

Scenario II: NOT CHOOSING A COLLEGE

Me: Mom, i hate school, i hate work, i am unhappy and need to take a quarter off to refresh myself. I can still work and travel a little bit.

Mom: I don’t agree, but it is your� decision.

Aunt: Haha, your daughter is dropping out of college to become a waitress at IHOP. You know statistically 85% of people who drop out of school don’t return.

Me: Taking a quarter off is not dropping out. I am already enrolled in the college for next year.

Dad: you are dropping out of school, what??!?!?

Mom: we will get you a therapist, and a life coach…..anything!

Me: kicks aunt do you want me to tell uncle bill about that one time in Michagan with the ski instructor named Horse from Austria…

oh….i love my family.