Pop Culture CliffsNotes: July 10

Intros are lame.  Let’s do this!

This week, Hayden Panettiere admitted that the Italian tattoo on her back is spelled wrong.  See Mom?  Celebrities get drunk and get tattoos at the Jersey shore too. (Celebslam)

Megan Fox had the audacity this week to call Transformers 2 ‘not a movie about acting.’  Michael Bay shot back, saying ‘nobody…knew about Megan until I…put her in Transformers’.  Then they both went home and cried themselves to sleep on huge piles of money. (IDLYITW)

Mary Louise Parker did a photoshoot for Esquire this week, and oh how embarrassing, she forgot to wear PANTIES!  She is going to FLIP OUT, you guys.  What a career killer!!! (Popoholic)

Julianne Moore hit the beach this week, presumably to refresh her supply of fresh human blood. (WWTDD)

This week, Kelly Osbourne called Lady Gaga a ‘butterface,’ marking the beginning of what I can only assume will be a battle of wits like this world has never seen. (Celebslam)

A female scientist named Jennifer Sunday filed a lawsuit against Lindsay Lohan this week, claiming that the starlet stole Sunday’s tanning formula to create her line of tanners.  Unrelated, Lohan’s entire Netflix queue is ‘The Saint’. (IDLYITW)

This week was officially ‘older-ladies-look-better-in-bikinis-than-I-do’ week, with both Demi Moore (46) and Denise Richards (38) showing me what’s up.  Man, I should go to the gym.  Right after I eat this giant box of chocolate Munchkins, nom nom. (WWTDD, Egotastic)

Remember Mena Suvari, that actress from a bunch of movies that start with ‘American’?  Yeah well guess what, she’s got an incredible butt.  Who knew!? Besides probably (obscure reference alert!) Ricky Fitts. (WWTDD)

Cleave of the week!  Heidi Klum shows off the most beautiful part about pregnancy.  Glowing skin! (WWTDD)

Rihanna wore a low-cut shirt this week that revealed some pretty weird-looking nips.  I mean, look at those things.  She should see a doctor about this, stat.  Or a stylist.  Either way. (Hollywood Tuna)

This week, Lily Allen posed topless for i-D magazine.  Not to sound like my grandmother here, but easy on the boob showing, Lily!  Nobody will buy the cow when they can see the cow’s tits for free.  I think that’s how that goes. (Egotastic)

Madonna was over an hour late to her concert in London this week, adding yet another level of acting like an annoying teen girl to her performance. (Celebslam)

At Diddy’s annual white party this week, Chris Brown ditched his date to make out with Kanye West’s ex-girlfriend, the Robo9000.  Oh Chris, ever the gentleman.  Glad to see no lessons were learned. (Celebslam)

This week, Rupert Grint, Ron Weasley from the Harry Potter films, was diagnosed with swine flu. Where’s your magical cures now, RON?  turns me into a duck I see.  (Celebslam)

Speaking of Harry Potter, this week Emma Watson (Hermoine) flashed her underwear.  On the tan granny panties scale, 1 being your own grandmother’s panties and 10 being the panties of your friend’s grandmother who you can tell was pretty hot once, I give these a 9. (Egotastic)

This week, we saw the first shots of G.I.Joe’s Cobra Commander.  Fun fact!  Under all that makeup and costumery, the Cobra Commander is played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  The most fearsome of all actors. (Popoholic)

And last but not least, this week’s Still Got It.  While Mischa Barton’s fat face and emo Katie Holmes both put up a good fight, it was Lady Gaga’s face bandage accessory retardness that wins top prize.  Congrats Gaga! (Celebslam, Hollywood Tuna)