Proper Use of the College Showers

This is the text of an email Calhoun’s residential college master sent out. (Residential colleges are like the houses in Harry Potter. So basically, this is the equivalent of a note McGonagall might send.)

OK, well THIS is the most awkward college-wide e-mail I’ve ever had to send….

The college showers are to be used by individuals for hygenic purposes only. They are not to be used by couples engaged in intimate activity—especially that kind of activity that leaves the showers in a decidedly less hygenic state.

Several times since the start of the spring term some Hounies have come across a couple having the time of their lives in a shower stall. Last night the shower flooded and the bathroom could not be used for over 90 minutes. To the as yet unidentified couple, this may be pleasureable and exciting for you but it is a violation of community standards. Please stop.

I really don’t want to explore this matter any further as I respect your individual privacy. But such continued brazen public displays of affection will only invite public embarrassment. I beg of you, let’s not go there.

JH