Roommate Confessions: Issue 85

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

My roommate was in the process of moving into a new house. Before he left to make a trip over to the new place with his stuff, he let his dog out to go to the bathroom and asked me to let her in when she was done. Instead of doing that, I had my girlfriend come by and put the dog in her car so she could take her over to my mom’s house across town. I told my roommate his dog must have run away. But really I had already sold her on craigslist and was planning to give her to the new family the next day. I even called and changed the pet license to my name. (and made a sweet profit!)

Anonymous Roomie, Nebraska

Hey 3rd floor of 204, remember how you guys at the end of the hall were complaining that someone sh*t in the hallway and the smell wouldn’t go away? That wasn’t sh*t that was a military grade stink bomb that I smeared on your door handle. Next time you run down the hall way banging on my door at 4 a.m. screaming the night before my Calculus final I’ll make sure to shove that stuff down your throat.
Matt D, CSUMB

My roommate from my freshman year of college used to scratch my car when she leaned on it with her stilettos on to look cool for some guy. She refused to pay for a new paint job so when she finally got a car I had a little fun. I scratched “Free Blowjobs” on side of her car. It was even more hilarious when her parents came to visit the next day and decided to look at the car they just bought their daughter.
Dylan R., School Not Given

You know the best thing about being a psychology major? I convinced you that YOU had made a brownie in the shower. Then you cleaned it up. You should seriously try pooping in the shower though; feels good man.
Tairy Greene, School Not Given

My best friend had a bad roommate first semester of freshman year that ruined her experience in the dorm and she had to switch buildings. Since I still lived in the old one, when I passed the girl’s room, I’d write stupid shit on sharpie in their dry-erase board outside the door. But my friend’s new roommate was even worse. So she and I crushed Pez up and put it in her tanning oil, squeezed Purell into her $20 shampoos, stuck gum on the underside of her ugly-ass shoes, spat in her lotions, and got our boys to jizz in the girl’s face cream. The girl would always be on the phone with her dumbass sorositute friends about how none of her expensive stuff worked. So she bought even more pricey stuff, and we did it again, and when she asked how our hair was so shiny and soft, we told her we used Suave. She wouldn’t try it though, because it was “for poor people.” Suck it, bitch.
Laureen T, Kent State

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