Robert Parks Crosses The American School Bus Cooler-Barrier

On a warm spring morning in Montgomery, Alabama, Robert Parks, great grandson of Civil Rights activist Rosa Parks, steps onto a school bus and sits in the first seat next to Gil Chesterton, who kinda looks like Paul Giamatti and more-than-kinda smells like a fryerlator...

Bus Driver: Robert, what do you think you’re doing?

Robert: What do you mean?

Bus Driver: Why are you sitting in the front of the bus?

Robert: I dunno, ‘cause I want to.

Bus Driver: Allow me to remind you Robert, in case you haven’t looked in the mirror in a while, that you’re a good-looking kid and a star athlete that everyone likes.

Robert: So?

Bus Driver: So you have to sit in the back of the bus with the other popular kids.

Robert: But why?

Bus Driver: Because this is America…That’s how it’s always been, and that’s how it’s always gonna be.

Robert: Well I’m more than just a really cool kid, I’m a human being, and I should be able to sit wherever I want. It occurred to me last night while I was reading Ender’s Game that we’re not so unalike, these nerds and I. Sure, I’m the best athlete in 8th grade, and yes, I am currently nailing a sophomore, but when TNT decides to broadcast all three Lord Of The Rings movies back to back to back for no apparent reason, do I not get all giddy inside?

Cool Guy 1: Why do you even want to be associated with those spazzoids?

Robert: Because I have a dream, that one day my children will not be judged by the length of their gym shorts but by the content of their fan fiction.

Cool Guy 2: So help me God I will smush my Fruit Roll-Up into a ball and throw it at the back of your head.

Robert: Go ahead. Do your worst. Because as the motto of The Green Lantern Corps says, “In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight!” These nerds have my back, right guys?

Nerd 1: Nope.

Nerd 2: Not in any way, shape, or form.

Nerd 3: Yeah you’re on your own with this one.

Robert: What happened to, “Let those who worship evil’s might/Beware my power, Green Lantern’s light!”?

Nerd 4: I mean, I would help you out, but I’m asthmatic.

Nerd 5: And I just got these glasses.

Nerd 6: And I’m actually really racist.

Robert: Oh. Well then screw you fags, I’m going to the back to catch a beej from Cindy.

Robert Parks would eventually go to the back of the bus, and while he may not have completely remedied the long standing rift between nerds and cool people, he did catch that beej from Cindy, and in the end isn’t that what’s most important?/i>











It is.