Office. JENNA approaches ADRIENNE.

JENNA Hey Adrienne, did you notice anything different about Scott today?
Adrienne looks over to SCOTT at his desk. Scott is short, fat, bald, pimply, GROSS.

ADRIENNE Is that boil on his face gone?(looks closer)No…it's still there.
JENNA But today…I want to suck on his boil.
ADRIENNE Eww! Do you want to hook up with Scott!/center>
Scott stands up. REVEAL: he has a big BUDGE in his pants.

ADRIENNE (CONT'D) …Because I call dibs. Wait! What's wrong with me!?
JENNA It's him. Something's bulgingly different.
ADRIENNE And do you smell that manly aroma…coming from his…pants…
JENNA Do you think he'll want to have a threesome with us?
ADRIENNE I sure hope so…
JENNA/ADRIENNE I'm so hungry for Scott. But why
Lights go down. SPOTLIGHT on Scott while he RAPS.

SCOTT Listen up my uncool Guys, I've found a way to be so fly,Even though I have pimples on my face and on my thighs,I've found a loophole, no jokes, no lies.Every lady in the housewants to fuck me that's a fact,Know why? – I'll tell you " there's a salami in my pants.
Scott does a GYRATING DANCE.

SCOTT (CONT'D) I know what you're thinkin'That sausage's surely stinkin'It's weighin' on my ball sack,It's makin' me sweat,But I'll tell ya, no worries " The sweating's makin' me so dirty My stench is attracting the opposite sex:
Adrienne and Jenna run over to Scott, fondling him.

SCOTT (CONT'D) Vegans, Puerto Ricans, only hotties, crazy bodiesI don't care, be prepared, your gunna lose your underwear,Cuz my irresista-licious style stems from my lips and my saliva.
Adrienne SNIFFS Scotts pants.

SCOTT (CONT'D) I'll make you scream, I'll make you shout,I A+ will eat you out.But in fucking I get an F,Never touch my dick, Bitch, I'll smack you in the head.
Jenna grabs at Scott's dick, Scott smacks her.

SCOTT (CONT'D) Forever and a day, This, my sausage mystery stays.Too terrible to bare the truth –
Adrienne yanks down Scott's pants " Scott wears a SALAMI SAUSAGE attached to a JOCK STRAP. Adrienne yanks off the sausage to reveal Scott's TINY DICK:

ADRIENNE - Holy crap, you're dick is the size of my canine tooth.
SCOTT Does dick size really matter when you're screaming in orgasmic pleasure?
ADRIENNE You freak, yeah it does.And that salami was my lunch.
Adrienne holds out the salami.

ADRIENNE (CONT'D) Still want to have a three-some, Jenna?
JENNA Yeah of course! More than ever.(pause)But…without the smell it's not the same…
Scott grabs the Salami from Adrienne – reattaches it to his Jock strap. Adrienne and Jenna breathe in deeply.

JENNA That aroma! I think I just came.
ADRIENNE (echos)Me too…let's go:
Adrienne and Jenna lead Scott to the broom closet:

SCOTT There you have it fellow men of unfortunate deformations,The meat section in the grocery store, is your erotic destination.
End