Generation Y Goes To Work

Generation X: Welcome to The Daily Local News, Michael. We’re glad to have you on board.

Generation Y: Awesome, one sec, bro. (pulls out iPhone) “Boss says he’s glad to have me on board, f1rst compliment already ftw.” There we go. Anyway, what were you saying?

Generation X: Oh, uh, well we’re just very happy to have you as part of the team, and-

Generation Y: Yeah, thanks. So what’s the deal, am I promoted yet?

Generation X: Promoted? Are you kidding? You just started working here 20 minutes ago!

Generation Y: Yeah, and Drudge Report’s been updated five times since then, so I don’t see why one promotion should take so long. Ugh, one sec. (pulls out iPhone) “No promotion yet, wtf??? Boss seems like kind of a douche, might have to get parents to complain about discrimination like they did at Harva-” oh, crap, too long. Hey do you know a shorter word for “douche?”

Generation X: What? No! Now listen, your first assignment is going to be covering the 3:00 school board meeting. Can you handle that?

Generation Y: Are you kidding? I’ve been posting comments on School of Rock message boards for years, I think I can handle one school board meeting. What’s the address?

Generation X: 119 Spruce Drive.

Generation Y: 119sprucedrive.com, got it. (pulls out iPhone) Hmm, my iPhone is saying it can’t find the site. Oh, wait, it’s .edu, isn’t it?

Generation X: It’s not a website, it’s a building.

Generation Y: You mean building.com?

Generation X: No, I mean the meeting is in an actual, physical building that you’re going to have to leave this office to get to. It’s not taking place on the Internet.

Generation Y: …actualphysicalbuilding.com?

Generation X: You know, I don’t think this job is right for you.

Generation Y: Fired already, huh? Well, fine! Just give me my participation trophy, and I’ll be on my way.

Generation X: What?

Generation Y: You know, a trophy for participating in the company? Like the ones we all got at soccer camp?

Generation X: Listen, kid, this isn’t some elementary school soccer camp.

Generation Y: Elementary school? Oh, no, this was last year.

Generation X: Just get the hell out of my office.

Generation Y: Fine. (pulls out iPhone) “Just got fired, I was so right about boss being a dou-” wait, did I ever think of a shorter word for that?

Generation X: Geez, how did these kids wind up like this? (phone rings) Hello? Oh, hey Jimmy! How’s daddy’s special guy? What? You got a B- on your history paper? Well, we’ll fix that! What’s your teacher’s name, I’m about to give her a piece of my mind!