The First Evangelist

Gog:  Good morning, Flock!  Have you heard the good news?

Flock:  What good news?

Gog:  About how we all came into existence.

Flock:  What do you mean?  I thought we all fell out of our mothers’ crotch flaps.

Gog:  Well, that’s true, but what about the first of us?

Flock:  I never thought about it, could they have fallen out of a monkey’s crotch flap?

Gog:  No, Flock, don’t be an idiot.  Let me tell you about the first two people ever.

Flock:  Maybe some other time, I really need to get back to smashing this rock with my club —-

Gog:  “The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and into his nostrils breathed life, and he became a living being.”

Flock:  You expect me to believe a man was made out of dust and not from a crotch flap?  What was his woman made from, a mastodon turd?

Gog:  She was made out of one of the man’s ribs.

Flock:  You can eat man ribs and make women out of them??  I’ll have to save some next time one of my brothers die.  So what were the people’s names?

Gog:  Adam and Eve.

Flock:  You mean the same Adam and Eve that live by the watering hole and make pots out of dinosaur skulls?

Gog:  Well now it is known as the Baptismal Pool and dinosaurs never existed.

Flock:  What do you mean ‘never existed’?  There’s one right behind you.

T-Rex: RAWRRRRR!

Gog:  I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Flock:  So Adam and Eve were the first people ever? But my parents are older than them. My mother used to babysit Eve.

Gog:  Impossible, they lived in the Garden of Eden until they were cast away into the world for eating the Forbidden Fruit.

Flock:  You mean they got evicted from their cave for eating the landlord’s apple stash.

Gog:  And they cut off our connection with God until a savior named Jesus will come to redeem us.

Flock:  You mean that kid who never finished the bird house I paid him in advance to make?

Gog:  He’s a good kid, just give him some time.

Flock:  Great story Gog, but I have to go club and rape an unsuspecting woman.  I’ll see you at bowling Thursday.

Another man walks by and catches Flock’s attention.

Klack:  Hello, Flock, have you heard the good news?

Flock:  About Adam and Eve and Jesus?

Klack:  No, about the alien overlord Xenu and the thetans.