Issue #3

Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

I work at a Chipotle/ Qdoba/ Moe’s burrito joint. One night a seemingly normal man ordered a chicken burrito to go. When it came time to pay he confidently attempted to pay for his meal with a VHS copy of “Fever Pitch”… The case was also missing.
-Sean, University of Cincinnati

I work editorial for a website, and I hate my job so much I purposely gorge myself during lunch and pack the fattest dips afterwords just so that I can have 30 minutes to take a dump and read the paper in peace.

-John, Miami U

I’m a male nurse, and I see untrimmed vaginas daily.
-Josh

I work for a veterinarian and last week I asked him to show me how for express a dog’s anal glands (for those that are unfamiliar, dogs have anal glands similar to those of a skunk that can fill up and need draining every once in a while).  As he put on a glove and grabbed a wad of cotton, he told me to come around back and look as he squeezed the sides of the anus.  Well I guess he squeezed a little too hard because they shot out like a squirt gun and hit both of us; him on the arm and me on me face, neck, and chest.  He couldn’t stop laughing.
-Jeff, Quinnipiac

While busy at work stocking shelves at the grocery store I work at, I had a little girl staring at me looking very puzzled. She turned to her mom and said “Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?”, the mom glanced up at me, shrugged her shoulders and kept walking.
-Nick

I work at a place that makes fruit smoothies. A lady walked in, looked at the menu, and then asked if we had any smoothies made with meat. I said no, and she left.
-AJ

I graduated in May with a degree in Aerospace Engineering. I work in the Safeway Deli, my shift starts at 3 AM and one of the employees loves to call me “Rocket Boy” and laugh as he walks by.
-Jason, University of Colorado 

So I’m a nurse on a med/surgical unit, and was given a 500 pound women
for my shift.  While cleaning one of her folds, I noticed what I perceived as necrotic, dead skin.  I sent a sample down to the lab and a few hours later I was informed that this was not her dead skin but was in fact remains of several Oreo cookies. To this day I can’t even look at those cookies without gagging a little.
-A.G.