3 AM Thoughts: Top 5 Places to Procrastinate on the Internet

It’s 3 am and you’re bored as FUUUCK, but you’re not tired.  No one writes on your wall because you have no friends and AIM is dead, thanks to Facebook chat. You’re tired of that stupid charlie video on youtube and anything after david after the dentist is just dull. And you wouldn’t even dare touch your myspace, its probably infected with herpes.  So what do you do!??!  You could…go to addictinggames.com!…nah…As much as I enjoy watching a boneless woman fall between balls, I don’t like pop-up ads.  It seems a new wave of places are showing up where you can waste your life.  Here are my top 5 places to procrastinate and when you dont feel like being an asset to society…you piece of shiatzu and stuff like that (Jake and Amir reference for the wolf!)

5.) Blockles! – Located at omgpop.com (used to be Iminlikewithyou but they changed it because the name was too long) blockles looks simple enough.  It’s basically tetris.  But there is a twist.  It’s tetris’s sugar high, 7 year old brother with weapons.  That’s right, WEAPONS.  You can clear three of your lines or scramble your opponent’s puzzle.  This addicting game will have you hooked for hours.  Whether you’re a pro who stacks evrything on the left side waiting for the red vertical shape, or a noob who doesn’t understand why everyone is from Staten Island (its the default zip code asshole) you’ll be screaming at the 13 year olds who seem to gang up on you.  Whatever, they have no life….one more game.

4.) Twitter! – Not everyone has caught onto the Twitter craze yet, and its about time people do!  How many of you have been in this scenario “…I wonder what Cathy Nguyen is doing…I wonder where she is…“  Twitter can solve this problem and will drive you wild and keep you busy for hours.  And you can update about it while you wait!  Twitter makes it totally acceptable to update every five minutes, unlike on facebook, where people will think you’re lonely.  Here’s an experiment.  Update your twitter from your phone while looking at your twitter and time how fast it updates!  Following your favorite celebs on twitter (like Cathy Nguyen..who is hotttt!) can fullfill all of our stalking fantasies…oh what?  Oh you’re not a stalker?…You’re just a fan? You like to keep track of people like a private detective or Veronica Mars?…oh sure…you keep thinking that while I go check up on what Cathy is up to.

3.) Restaurant City! – What is it even about this facebook application that is even fun?  You sit there and watch your friends run your restaurant. But it does have its aspects of joy. Just got into a fight with a friend?  PUT HIM ON CLEAN UP DUTY.  Nothing says “revenge” like making him clean up after your girlfriend destroys the toilet and leaves satisfied while everybody watches (I’m too cheap to buy doors and walls!) But seriously, how am I suppose to know what the chinese gooseberry was called in ancient times.  JUST GIVE ME SOME GODDAM PEAS.

2.) TUMBLR! – Its simply an online blog but less tacky.  And much cooler than a livejournal or xanga. (Oh sorry do you have a livejournal? I would too but I’m not in 7th grade and I got shit to do).  Tumblr allows you to follow blogs, and keep up with people’s entries. But what sets it apart from other blogs is its easy ability to allow you to post pictures, quotes, audio, or videos.  So you can Doogie Howser is up all night if you want to.  I often follow all of the CH writer’s blogs and keep up with their quirky lives… I LOVE IT…I also love it when they ignore my reblog comments…SERIOUSLY!  SARAH SCHNEIDER!  ANSWER ME BACK!…i love you….haha jk lolocaust.

1.)Stumble upon! – This is ridiculously addicting.  If you haven’t downloaded this FireFox app, DO IT NOW!  Stumble upon (as you can see down below) takes you to random webpages that other people thought was interesting.  Without stumble upon I would have never known that you can send someone elephant poop. (You can literally mail shit to someone).  How useful is that!  Stumble Upon has helped me get through the night many times.  Also adding porn to my interests so I could stumble upon a horde of pictures of naked women didn’t hurt either.  Haha just kidding!…but seriously, its awesome.

I hope that this helped you find something to do.  And who knows…maybe someday you will go to sleep on a day different from the one you wake up on.  Until then, JETMAN..oh what?  no one plays that anymore?…aw.