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The Truman Show Alternate Ending

by Brian Murphy on

Truman: Was nothing real?

Director: You were real.

Truman: Did you guys have cameras everywhere?

Director: Yes.

Truman: Even by my computer in the basement?

Director: Everywhere.

Truman: So everyone…everyone’s seen me masturbate?

Director: Those were some of our highest rated episodes, Truman.

Truman: And my wife? She’s just an actress?

Director: Correct.

Truman: I had sex with her. Does that make her a prostitute?

Director: Kinda.

Truman: That time when I was 8…

Director: Episode #2868: Truman Grabs Poo Out of the Toilet to See What it Feels Like.

Truman: Wow. Not cool.

Director: Not at all.

Truman: I think I’m gonna go ahead and stay out of the real world.

Director: Yeah, we’ve all seen you do some pretty sick stuff.

Truman: …..

Director: And if you could masturbate more that’d be fantastic. We’ve been getting KILLED by “Two and a Half Men.”

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Brian Murphy

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