I just got bit by the Love Blog...

…and it’s driving me mad! Is your girl acting strange this week? Well it’s probably your fault. If not, she may have gotten a heaping dose of crazy from one of these gems in the women’s advice blogosphere:

Why did my main squeeze get mad at me-for already being mad at me? The floor is yours, Dr. Ian Kerner:“The ratio of positive to negative interactions during arguments should ideally be 5 to 1” in a successful relationship. Thanks doc, now when she makes two bitchy assumptions, she gets a third one free.

Breaking news! “For many women, sexual desire follows intercourse, rather than precedes it.” I wouldn’t call that science, but at least the classic “we’re as horny as you” line of propaganda is effectively refuted.

Even in the face of “scientific” evidence, Oprah.com tries to fight the good “horny-as-you” fight. Higher quality porn is a result of more female viewers? More women than men buy Hustler videos? Congrats, you just proved that women are indeed pickier AND can’t get off to free 20-second clips. Put one in the Win column for us guys!…and the Loss column, while you’re at it.

Men’s combined fear of commitment and reluctance to burn sexual bridges is a hard-won evolutionary trait. Women calling it “the fade out” and whining about it is like us getting mad about their periods. Well fine I guess we do-but we’re even! Or at least we were, until they started promoting insincere ways to break it off, to get back at the made-up stat of 95% of guys that don’t call back.

Quick…check out that fine hunny three rows up. Don’t act like you don’t know who we’re talking about, of course the blonde. She has nipple pubes. Sorry. What’s next, girls actually poop before they’re married?

Some girl with two boyfriends in the same house and at least two loose (morals) is a new kind of reality star. Now anyone with a webcam, some kink that will later be labeled an emotional disorder, and the ability to forever feign “what, is that weird?“ when they damn well know it is can have their own reality show. So my ex can host a cooking show called The Dutch Oven.

Under what circumstances do you consider yourself most apt to please a lady? Drunk, and on round two, right? Wrong. Cosmo says the “highly sexual male” is sober and…abstinent? “Stop drinking! Stop downloading dirty movies!” It would say all kinds of Freudian things if I could perform better for a girlfriend that sounds like my mom did when I was in high school.