Roommate Confessions: Issue 87

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

Remember how you always would drink my milkshakes and then blame it on my boyfriend, or how you would steal my pumice stone? I kind of learned to make do with your fork to scrub the callouses off of my feet and I put it in those milkshakes. My boyfriend was in on it too. Next time, Don’t be such a snob and stop keeping everybody up when you’re screaming at your parents for money you lazy sh*t.
Andrea N., Pitt

One time I had clogged the toilet by flushing trash in it because I was too lazy to throw out the trash bin when it was full. It would still run but at a very slow rate. My roommate decided to use it without me telling him this and then the toilet started to overflow and go into our room. I blamed him and had him clean it up, never telling him it was my fault.
Kevin C, Oregon State

I lived with my girlfriend of a year when we were seniors. She was hot, but also hot headed, unpredictable, and selfish. One night, we had a fight because she wanted me to punch one of my friends who didn’t like her, and I said no. I left for the night and went out with my friends. When I got home she had gone out and brought some dude back and they were both asleep on the couch. I lifted up the mattress on the bed, pissed on the boxspring, then went around and pissed into all of her expensive lotions and shampoos(just enough so it wouldn’t be obvious), grabbed my shit(I didn’t have much, it had been her place), and left. I still look back and smile at the thought of her washing her hair in my piss and rubbing it all over her body for months and months afterwards. I have no idea if it’s related, but she dated a girl after me.
S H, SCSU

Yesterday, I noticed my terrain down south was getting a bit rugged, so I decided to do a bit of manscaping with the kitchen scissors. Afterwards, I diligently placed them back where they were, thinking nothing of it. This afternoon, I came into the kitchen to find my roommate fishing a pot roast out of the crockpot with the exact same pair of scissors. I don’t know which is worse, a pot roast full of my man-curls, or my roommate’s choice in utensil. Either way, I’m going out for Chinese tonight.
Jon Turner, School Not Given

Submit yours here!