A Notice to Failures Everywhere: Today is Your Day

Now is the time to live up to your complete lack of potential!  No matter how badly you screw up at work today, your blunders will never be on the level of injecting too much propofol into the back muscles of a man-waif who is responsible for the number one selling album of all-time.

Try it!  If you put your inexpensive dress shoe against a copier a few times you might cost the company, what, ten thousand dollars?   Michael Jackson was spending 2 million dollars a month – his death impacted the economy.  Your blunder sets business back 4 hours. 

So fail as gloriously as you can – it won’t matter.  Today, you’re only second-worst.