The Survivorman episodes I would actually watch:

Survivorman goes to prison:
1) Where I keep my razor blades
2) Keeping your head down in the cafeteria
3) Survivorman asserts his masculinity
4) Survivorman learns a creul lesson about where the fuck he belongs
5) Survivorman is picked up by the helicopter after tunneling out of the yard

Survivorman goes to Jonestown:
1) Join the basketball team. That is all.

Survivorman goes Evangelical:
1) Baptism
2) Learning to fake speaking in tongues
3) Crying in public
4) Being built back up in the image of our Lord God and his son Jesus Christ
5) Spreading the word
6) Survivorman has to relearn how to function in society, and will not be allowed to pee until he does.

Survivorman leaves the south:
1) Forget all racial respect learned in Survivorman goes to prison
2) Practice rebel yell
3) Find that railroad everyone's been talking about.

Survivorman does Dallas:
1) Get rid of that bitch Debbie.
2) Remember lessons learned in Survivorman goes to Prison.