It's cool. We were invited.
Every walk is a "Walk of Shame" if you're fat enough.
Two words that can get you fired the quickest in a Sports Illustrated for Kids pitch meeting
Swimsuit Issue I don't understand why people choose their candles so carefully. They all taste the same to me.
My mom brought home a step-ladder yesterday. It's so weird not having my real ladder around anymore.
If every cigarette I smoke takes minutes off my life, I should start getting up earlier.
Virginity
The ultimate out of body experience.Non-rhetorical Gameshow Title
By watching "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" aren't you already answering their question? I love theme parties. My favorite? Cowboys and Prostitutes.
I used to think I was really into the Civil War, turns out I'm just really into moustaches.
If masturbating is a crime, then put me away for life. Wait… it isn't a crime? Oh. Then put me in the Guinness Book of World Records probably.
If a person with amnesia wrote a memoir, would it be put in the "Fiction" section?
YMCA
YMCA stands for "Young Men's Christian Association," which I think is a really flawed title for that place: You don't need to be young to go there, you don't need to be a man to go there, and if you're not Christian who cares about you in the first place? I was dating a girl for 3 months. She never knew I drank until one night I came home sober.
If you get head from a blow up doll, do they call it infellatio?
I like to scare deaf people by yawning.
I got a fortune cookie at this Irish pub and it said, "this is weird."
105%: Issue One Hundred and Sixty
The Six Types of Commencement Speakers
If Your Childhood Board Games Were German
Angry Amazon Reviews of Adorable Dog Costumes
The 10 Best Ways to Ask Someone to Prom
Almost Reading
The Troll
Humor Us
TLDNR
Regret Everything
The Graphic Truth
CollegeHumor Interview
Twidiots
