Pop Culture CliffsNotes: July 31st

BREAKING NEWS: Megan Fox is still hot. And she’s still saying really weird stuff. Let’s focus on the part about her being hot though. (Popoholic, Celebslam)

You know who else is still hot? Ali Larter’s butt. It’s so hot that it decided it needed to go outside and get a little air. But, ugh, the paparazzi was there to interrupt it. God, being a celebrity butt is such a pain in the ass. Just ask Oliva Wilde’s. (Egotastic, Popoholic)

Calling all nerds! Oliva Munn just made your day. The only thing that could have made this more Comic-Con Sexy is if she were also doing a reading of her erotic Stargate: SG-1 fanfiction and giving out free Claritin. (Egotastic)

Not nerdy enough for you? This should do the trick. I have a theory that all nerds love Jennifer Connelly. What’s not to love? She’s got that kind of mom-ish voice and she’s super hot, but not so hot that those pictures of the two of you that you Photoshopped look totally ridiculous. She’s got the perfect 2:1 realistic/fantastic ratio. Don’t get me wrong though; you’re never going to sleep with her. (Egotastic)

You’re never going to sleep with this person either. I have no idea who she is, but she’s doing the crab walk in lingerie and high heels, so you do the math. (Derekhail)

You know who just got a lot more dateable? Camilla Belle. She is back on the market and, hell, you might even have a shot with her. She’s been dating a virgin for months. (D-listed)

Reggie Bush, on the other hand, has been dating the complete opposite of a virgin, but that relationship is also over. When will the heartbreak end?! (Celebridiot)

Oh! I almost forgot to tell you guys, according to Gisele Bundchen, the new fashion trend for Winter is Flasher-Chique. Finally! (Popoholic)

It looks like Britney Spears’ kids will be getting a new sibling soon, if this blatant baby bump has anything to say about it. (WWTDD)

Kanye West has announced that he’s ready to step up and claim the throne as the new King of Pop. He might have a little trouble getting around the prince though. No, not Prince. No, not Prince Michael. No, not Prince Michael II. The other prince. Michael Jackson’s other son, Omer Bhatti. You might recognize him from a little song called “Billie Jean.” You know, the “the kid is not my son” part. (WWTDD, Celebslam)

It’s amazing that that family doesn’t have a reality show yet. Fear not, though. A significantly more interesting family is about to get a show: Tobey Maguire’s mom and brother. Oh, wait, did I say “more interesting?” I meant to just not care about this news at all. (WWTDD)

But don’t worry. The world is still a happy place. Miranda Kerr was topless and Kristen Stewart wore leather pants. (Egotastic, Celebslam)

Last but not least is this week’s Still Got It. Did I choose Candy Spelling, the greatest mother ever? Did I choose Roseanne, the greatest mother ever? No, I chose Madonna, the greatest mother of stringy arm muscle ever.