It's your decision, friend. Choose Wisely.
1. German Weisbrau: A perfectly crafted wheat beer brewed with loving care and a strict adherence to the German purity laws of 1563. Unfortunately, this particular brew was brought here by the captain of the varsity rugby team. So go ahead, snipe one, provided you don't mind him dragging you into a filthy alley and making you his fraulein.
2. Homemade "Chocolate Blackberry Pilsner": This classic belongs to the guy who went to Belgium for two weeks, drank a lot of Trappist Dubbels, and came home thinking he could make his own. Feel free to steal one, the brewer won't notice. Of course, that's most likely because he's gone blind from drinking something he made in a shoe. But you're fine; how can you go wrong with a concoction that's been brewed in a closet, distilled with amoxicillin, and then fermented in a 2-litre bottle of mountain dew?
Best Chance of Success: Casually spritz someone with the homemade festerbrew. Once their skin starts blistering, go and impress the redheaded girl with your First Aid Skills.
Best chance of success: Take 4. Give 2 to Steve, making him take the bullet for either the hour-long talk about Hoobastank or the minute-long lung collapsing, depending on whose beer it is.
4. Eggs: Eggs will not get you drunk.
Best Chance of Success: Do not use eggs.
5. Hard Lemonade: Are you sober enough to argue merits of malt beverages or drunk enough to not give a damn when people start humming "Barbie Girl" whenever you walk by? Either way, maybe let the hard lemonade go- neither one gets the redhead's lips off the thermos and onto you. Also, beware Becky, the PR major who is inevitably defending her cache with the ferocity of a startled mother bear.
Best Chance of Success: Tell Becky that the Rugby Captain said she was hot. When she runs off, offer to refill redheaded girl's thermos with the stolen lemonade. Then compliment her blouse.
6. Yuengling: Yuengling is the single most perfect drink that has ever been made. It is cheap, delicious, and that six pack belongs to me. So if you touch it, I'll cave in your windpipe.
Best Chance of Success: Go ahead and try to steal one. I will gladly make sweet love to thermos girl on your corpse.