Sega Gives Xbox Some Advice

Sega: What’s the matter with you Xbox?

Xbox: Oh, hi Sega. I’m just feeling down because Wii has sold like a billion units lately.

Sega: That goddam Nintendo. Did I ever tell you how I had the first CD drive?

Xbox: Yes, like a million times.

Sega: Well, I did and it was marvelous, really revolutionary – it was years ahead of its time.

Xbox: I’m sure it was. But it just sucks because these days everybody wants to excercise while they play video games.

Sega: That’s a bunch of mularky. Video games weren’t meant to be excercise. In my day if kids wanted to excercise they had to turn us off and go outside, and none of this hard drive bullshit – no there weren’t even memory cards – they were lucky if we gave them a save code …

Xbox: Yeah ok, but anyway like I was saying, the real problem is the nunchuk controller. I can’t compete with that.

Sega: Those goddam Jap consoles and their slanty controllers. There’s too many damn buttons today as it is.

Xbox: Uh, didn’t the Saturn …

Sega: The layout allowed for it.

Xbox: What about Dreamcast…

Sega: THE LAYOUT ALLOWED FOR IT.

Xbox: Ok, ok. Take it easy.

Sega: You know what you need Xbox?

Xbox: What’s that?

Sega: You need a lovable mascot.

Xbox: A what?

Sega: Back in the day anybody who was anybody had a lovable mascot.

Xbox: Oh, you mean like Mario.

Sega: NO! HE’S A GODDAM DIRTY WOP! With numbskulls like you running around it’s a goddam miracle the Germans haven’t come out with a console and started World War 3! I mean like Sonic the Hedgehog you dipshit! Now that was a character you could relate to, at least before he turned and became one of them.

Xbox: Well, I have this guy Master Chief…

Sega: Does he jump on his enemies’ heads?

Xbox: Not really.

Sega: No good.

Xbox: Ok, well I don’t think Playstation has a mascot either so…

Sega: What happened to that Crash Bandicoot fella?

Xbox: Who?

Sega: Nevermind.

Xbox: Wait here comes Wii.

Wii: Herro S-Box. Herro Say-ga.

Xbox: Hello Wii.

Sega: …

Wii: Hey Say-ga, Sonic Hezzhog say hi.

Sega: GO BACK TO JAPAN YOU STUPID FAMICOM!

Wii: SKLOO YOU SAY-GA! YOU BOO-HOO NO ONE PLAY WITH YOU! YOU OUT OF
BUSINESS!

Sega: YOU’RE DEAD WII! I’ll … OWW OWW my cartriage slot, I think I strained my slot.

Xbox: Take it easy Sega.

Wii: Yah Say-ga – see you alound … a gallage sale. Bwahaha!

Xbox: Man, he is such a jerk. A really egregious racial stereotype too.

Sega: Don’t worry Xbox – I’m gonna get you a mascot and we’re gonna take that dirty Jap down. I know just who to call …