9:17 AM- Wake up.

9:20 AM- Remove cigarette butts stuck to old facepaint from yesterday's gig.

9:25 AM- Vomit.

9:30 AM- Realize you are going to be late for today's gig.  Spend an hour not caring.

10:37 AM- Put on "The Suit".

10:50 AM- Count to 10.  Walk out door.

NOON- Even though you are two and a half hours late, tell angry parents to "give you a fuckin' minute."

12:01 PM- During said minute, consume contents of liquor cabinet.

12:05 PM- Feel nothing.

12:45 PM- Teach the kids to roll their own.

12:50 PM- Remind parents it doesn't matter if they're dissatisfied, they still have to pay you.

12:51 PM- "Wow.  Can't believe you said that in front of the children."

12:51 PM- "I'm not leaving.  You leave."

12:53 PM- Awkward silence and staring.

12:54 PM- "Your wife's pretty hot."

12:54 PM- "Don't be a jerk.  No one hits a clown."

12:54 PM- Father of birthday child takes swing at you.

12:55 PM- Get into fistfight.

12:57 PM- Make quick work of Dad, impress desperate, single mother who is easy.

1:00 PM- Take her with you.

ALL NIGHT- Ride the clown lightning.

9:17 AM- Repeat.