Issue #5

Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

I work overnight at a convenience store. One night a guy came up to the counter with his purchase, looked at me, said “Looks like someone’s going to be due, huh Mommy?!” and proceeded to reach over the counter and give my stomach a little rub…I’m not pregnant.
-Tricia

I work campus security during the schoolyear. One night I hear over the radio, “We have a 10-16 (domestic violence) near Illini Hotel” followed 30 seconds later by “Nevermind that, they’re just being romantic”.
-Mike, UIUC

In college I worked in a borders and a woman came up with a list of book she need to buy for the holidays and couldn’t find one. Before look at the list she said it was a book on dinosaurs, but couldn’t find it in the science section. I took a look at the list to see the book she was actually looking for was a thesaurus. UGHH AWKWARD.
-Amanda Ferri

I was a cook at a restaurant in Colorado that served fish, as fresh as we could get it. Well, on our menu we sold swordfish. One night, and guest asked “Is your swordfish line or harpoon caught?”  after the server asked me the question, i told them to tell the guest to order it, and if it had a big hole in the center of the steak, that it was harpoon caught.  The guest didn’t want to take their chances.
-Christopher R

I work at a Safeway and several days ago a woman slipped on a spill and hit her head, seriously, on the yellow “Caution: wet floor” cone that we had set there while we were dealing with the problem… We are currently under investigation for a law suit.
-Tom

Instead of giving staff members raises or bonuses this year, the college I work at bought 10 flatscreen high def televisions scattered across campus that play powerpoint presentations of what is on the cafeteria’s menu.
-Vern

I work in a pharmacy. People come in on a regular basis asking about cuts, rashes, bugbites and so on. I went to the to go to the bathroom while wearing my whitecoat. After flushing the urinal I turned around to an older gentleman who had his pants around his knees asking me about the dark spots on his old dick.
-John, Duquesne University