Theo Hall

"Never Have I Ever"

With the start of a new school year just around the corner, I have decided to start a weekly submission based column to keep me busy during class… Or more importantly, to keep you all distracted during class…



Have you ever played the popular game “Never Have I Ever?”

If Yes, then this is going to be a column for you!
If No, then you must live under a rock or be clueless like Amir. (Excuse me while I pick that name up off the floor)

Submit your Never-Have-I-Ever’s to neverhaveiever1@gmail.com and don’t be afraid to call out your friends. (Although if they are good enough, I may just have to change a name or two to protect the “guilty”)

Example submission:

This is how Jane Doe could call out her friend Kim, by letting the world know that Kim slept with Sarah’s younger brother

Never Have I Ever: had my best friend (sarah) walk in on me, while while I was naked with her younger brother in my roomates bed!

-Jane Doe, Imaginary College


Let’s all get ready for a fun year of Never Have I Ever. I have a feeling that a lot of Never-Have-I-Ever’s will be heard very soon, SO SEND THEM IN! They just may make it on to the next issue.

Now put those fingers up and let’s see how many you have left after you finish reading each week…

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A Christmas Larceny

I used to work for a chinese computer company that no longer exists; one Christmas Eve a man comes into the store right as we are closing and counting money and insists that we start up the Point of Sale system again and sell him the video card he reserved online. We tell him that the computers have been shut down and all the transactions of the day batched and sent to the... Read More » credit card vendor. He keeps telling us that it's already paid for etc. and we keep telling him we can't process any more transactions until the morning of Dec. 26th. He then takes out a revolver and makes us lay on the floor while he steals the cash drawers and takes off. Turns out he had in fact reserved the video card online and his full name, address and phone number were in the system along with his email address; i bet his New Year sucked.