Dating, It's Complicated: Issue #13

I was dating a girl and my mom told me we were going to move to a different city at the end of the school year. I told my girlfriend and the next day she gave me a note and a kiss then just walked away. The note let me know she wanted to end things now before the get serious. I found a way to stay in the school district and when I asked her to go back out with me she told me she had moved on and her feelings were gone.
-Goose, Dallas

I was dating a girl on and off for several months. It was the anniversary of our first kiss, and I mentioned it to her. She responded with, “Why do you remember that?” and then called me a creep.
-Jason, UNR

You know the song “Hey There Delilah” by the Plain White T’s? It’s about a guy telling his girlfriend that they can make a long distance relationship work. I used to think it was a cool and cute song. Of course this was before it awkwardly came on the radio right after explaining that I didn’t want to date her anymore because long distance relationships don’t work.
-Tristan, U of MN

Awhile ago my boyfriend told me his Facebook password after we had been dating for a year because he, “completely trusted” me…of course, he then asked me for mine so I gave it to him. Later, because he trusted me so much, he looked up message threads I had from over three years ago and yelled at me for being a slut.
-Jane, UIUC

On April Fool’s I took off my relationship status as a joke towards my girlfriend. She sent me a message saying that she had felt the same way for awhile. I was too embarrassed to tell her it was a joke.
-Reu, SIUE

My girlfriend and I tried using whipped cream one night but we didn’t have the spray stuff, just like the tub of whipped cream. She told me to put it anywhere and she would lick it off. I took her word and put it on my balls. She just said, “Eww,” and gave me a shirt to wipe it off.
-Jake, UNC

The “Oh hey Helen, Haha, I didn’t know you read CollegeHumor…anyway, that was a rough time in my life. Lol. Seriously though, Wedding Crashers is SO dirty. I mean, I guess it was kind of funny. You still have my number, right? Right?” Award goes to:

It was a Friday night, and I was going on a first date with a new boyfriend. When I drove to his house to pick him up (he had neither a car nor even his license, at 17 years old), his mom had to let me into his house because he was asleep. She had to wake him up as I sat in his kitchen alone for 20 minutes. After he got dressed and washed his face (as his mom told him to), I drove him to the movies. After not even offering to pay for my ticket, he complained throughout the entire movie and later said that he didn’t like its “raunchy” humor (we went to see an R-rated comedy). Although we had initially met at 6:30 pm, we didn’t get dinner because, as I found out later, he “didn’t want to spend too much money”. I was not warned ahead of time that we wouldn’t be eating, so by the time the movie was over I was pretty ravenous. We ran into Starbucks afterward and he “graciously” offered to pay for my $1.25 petite vanilla scone. To top it all off, after dropping him off at his house, he lunged at me from his seat in my car and tried to kiss me. It was our last date.

-Helen