Hipster-In-Chief

Robert Gates: Good morning, Mr. President. Are you ready to start the cabinet meeting?

Barack Obama: Whatever man.

Gates: Umm…ok, well we should probably start with Iran.

Obama: sigh

Gates: What’s wrong?

Obama: Ugh, it just seems like everyone is out there talking about Iran these days.

Gates: Well, that’s because they almost certainly rigged an election and are a possible nuclear threat to the western world, sir.

Obama: I know, I know, it’s just that condemning Iran has gotten so…mainstream, you know?

Gates: Not really.

Obama: Hey, why don’t we try condemning Andorra?

Gates: Andorra? But, sir, that country hasn’t done anything wrong. In fact I doubt most of the American people have even heard of it.

Obama: Heh, yeah I figured they wouldn’t have. I saw their prime minister give a speech at this pretty underground European Union meeting a couple months ago, and he just blew me away. They’ll probably invade a neighboring territory or something in a year or two, though, so if we want to attack while it’s still cool we have to do it soon.

Gates: I’m not sure that invading a small innocent European nation would be good for your approval rating, sir. It’s already been slipping thanks to that Darfur t-shirt you insist on wearing all the time.

Obama: What’s wrong with my Darfur shirt?

Gates: I think people mainly have a problem with the fact that it says “Fuck Darfur.”

Obama: sigh It’s supposed to be ironic. But I guess I should’ve known that these American “squares” with their conventional nine-to-five lifestyles and sincere enjoyment of things wouldn’t get it.

Gates: Sir, you really shouldn’t be so critical of the populace that just elected you to the highest office in the land.

Obama: Ugh, don’t remind me. Biggest disappointment of my life.

Gates: Winning the presidency was the biggest disappointment of your life?

Obama: Yeah, man, all it did was make it tougher for me to tell my real fans apart from the people who only voted for me because they thought I could win.

Gates: Why would people vote for you if they didn’t think you could win?

Obama: …seriously? Wow, you really don’t get irony do you? Anyway, I’ve got some suits to tighten, so this meeting is over. Keep thinking about that Andorra thing. And someone look into what it would take to move the White House to Brooklyn. I want to deliver the next State of the Union in slam poetry form, which would be a lot easier to work on in that type of environment.

(Obama exits)

Gates: Damn it, this job was a lot easier when we just let the overgrown frat boys run everything.

George W. Bush: I knew it! Told ya you’d miss me! Now come on, who wants to draw a penis on Westminster Abbey?