I just got bit by The Love Blog...

…and it’s driving me mad! Your girl may be getting a heaping dose of crazy from the women’s advice blogosphere, but The Love Blog will mock dumb advice and bad examples to the bitter end. This week’s topic:

Communication Tech

Relationship advice sites go nuts for social technology, whether it’s the new iPhone app that rates your sexual performance or a social medium. A site or device is periodically evaluated and translated into easy-to-read ins and outs, dos and don’ts, and other polarities that lend well to Top Ten lists.

The two chumps with the same name who got married because of Facebook are the big story lately. The girl made the first move, which is always a turn-on, but she did it by searching her own name and messaging the first guy that came up. Which is a lot like playing spin the bottle at a family reunion.

Nobody’s appalled quite yet at Skype dating, a laughably paradoxical type of blind- or speed-dating. But people are starting to talk about the pitfalls of the EPersona: at worst, your Skype date could be furiously masturbating just out of view; at the least, e-mails can make you sound too smart because you have time to consult a thesaurus.

Which brings us to texting: a channel for flirting as old as Eros himself. A text message has the potential to obscure playful intentions, but I’ll sacrifice the occasional misunderstanding for the perfect mix of timeliness and editorial control texting offers.

Shoot, some guys are happy just to express their fetish, even if their girl thinks they’re talking about a shower in Scrooge McDuck’s vault.

A 3-year, PHD-meriting study from the UK agrees (about texting, not about the fetish. Although I didn’t ask…). Dr. Caroline Tagg says people text more conversationally and use fewer stupid abbreviations than you might think. She adds (presumably in a Professor McGonagall voice) “not only are they quite creative, it is also quite expressive.”

There are still a hundred more vehicles a sentence can crash and burn in, and a Washington Post article brings up an emerging issue: technological incompatibility. Some girls prefer voicemail, some prefer Facebook, and all of them assume that we should know their medium of choice.

If we say hi more frequently than a girl fancies, we’re stalkers. If we do less, we’re retarded. Cue “What a Girl Wants.”

Misog’ Therapy

The most blatantly misogynist article I got my grubby, chauvinist paws on was TheFrisky’s How to Cheat Without Using Modern Technology. That looks like a low blow at first, but in all fairness it’s less of a guide and more a list of obvious precautions the author probably was caught not taking.

A girl can totes call her concubus (n. male concubine) on the phone, as long as he’s saved as a girl’s name—but no texting! She’s probably only cheating in the first place because her boyfriend’s a jealous jerk that looks through her texts. And e-mails; don’t e-mail about your affair either.

Also, and I can’t stress this enough, don’t tweet your det’s if you lied to your boyfriend about where you were going.