Stuff You Don't Care About But Will Help You Get Laid

Ok you guys, I get it.  You only want to read about this stuff in order to try and impress girls.  Well this week I’ve decided to make it even easier for you.  Just memorize one of the following lines and chances are you’ll be balls deep within the hour.

Note: Don’t say the ‘source’ part out loud.  Because that would make it tacky, and we DEFINITELY don’t want that.

“Hey, did you hear that the sex scene in Sienna Miller’s new movie might actually be real?  Like, they’re actually having sex on camera.  Crazy, right?  Yeah I know.  Speaking of two people having sex, ya down?”
(Source: WWTDD)

“Whoa, Paris Hilton totally uses the N word in one of the videos on that new Paris Hilton site.  What a racist!  You know what’s NOT racist?  You having sex with me.”
(Source: Egotastic!)

“Did you hear people like Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman have started refusing to work with Lindsay Lohan?  She is totally ruining her career.  I know, right?  Bummer.  So anyway, beej?”
(Source: Hollywood Tuna)

“Oh man, I can’t believe Brandy got into a car accident last week and killed a lady.  Yeah, she might even be charged with vehicular manslaughter. [pause]  I’d let you slaughter my man, if you know what I mean.  I’m talking about sex.  Sexual intercourse.  With me.  Preferably soon.”
(Source: A Socialite’s Life)

“I can’t believe that AskMen.com named Beyonce Knowles as the most desirable woman of 2007.  You would have been #1 on my list.  Ok, top 3.  Top 100 at LEAST.  #99.  Can we do it now?”
(Source: Hollywood Tuna)

“Did you hear Tyra went on TV in a bathing suit this week to prove she wasn’t fat?  Yeah, she is insane.  What?  Why do I know that?  Oh I just like to keep up on pop culture, you know.  No big deal.  Ok, ok, ok, SLOW DOWN Miss Grabby Hands.  We’re in public, jesus.  You can’t do that in public, I think it’s illegal.  You can’t—oh, fuck it.”